EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
A job lot of bad luck
EYES ON THE PRIZE
When I was a charity street fundraiser I wore bright blue contact lenses as it earned me more donations. Once, a guy asked if they were natural, and as I replied “yes”, one lens popped out, drifted through the air and landed on his T-shirt. He didn’t donate. KATE, 25, NEWCASTLE
CASH YOU LATER
I run my own business, and my mind was once so all over the place with stress that I accidentally sent a whole month’s worth of wages to a former employee. They never replied – so, yes, I lost the money. LUISA, 27, LONDON
SICK AS A DOG
I brought in my Bichon Frise to meet my new colleagues at a prestigious modelling agency. I turned my back for one minute, and the dog somehow found a huge stash of Haribo hearts and scoffed them, before vomiting fluorescent pink sick onto the expensive cream carpet. JESSIE, 22, MANCHESTER
GROCERY MISCONDUCT
When I worked as a trolley boy during my teens, the conditions were so rubbish that I arranged a team-wide strike. Unfortunately we forgot to unionise first and all got fired on the spot. STUART, 36, LONDON
MEAT AND GREET
I’m a vet and was interviewing for a new job. I’d recently spent some time in an abattoir for research purposes, and the interviewer said they were curious to know how I’d found it. My reply? “In the yellow pages.” FRANCESCA, 30, LONDON
SNAP JUDGEMENT
My manager was at a glitzy event, bombarding our team WhatsApp chat with photos of herself clutching celebrities. I screenshotted one, intending to set it as the avatar for a separate private group chat I had. But my finger slipped, and I accidentally chose it for the team-wide group – that included my boss – instead. LINDSEY, 26, LONDON
AROUSING SUSPICIONS
One Monday morning, a super-hot Tinder match started sending me sexy DMs, inviting me over. Naturally, I feigned illness to my boss, dressed up and headed to his. Later, on my way home, I bumped into a colleague. I was still in booty-call attire – and did not look sick at all. LILY, 24, BRISTOL
SHEET HAPPENS
I was so hungover at my day job in a hotel that I laid down on a luxurious bed I’d just made for a tiny rest. Three hours later, I woke up to the sound of the hotel manager firing me through the bedroom door. LORNA, 32, WALES