THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED

Writer Amy Jones discusses the impact of antidepressants on her sex life…

Citalopram both killed and saved my sex life. I started taking it five years ago, when I was simultaneously fizzing with anxiety and caught in a fog of depression. Sex just wasn’t an option. I had no interest in anything, let alone something that would involve putting in effort or showing off the body my brain had convinced me was repulsive. It wasn’t an option for my boyfriend (now my husband) either – mainly because he was worried about me, but also because I don’t think a woman who mopes around the house without showering for days was his sexual fantasy. The citalopram helped me pull myself out of the fug and start taking an interest in things again. Showering, leaving the house, eating something other than cereal – and sex. I became very aware that it had been months since I’d had sex with the attractive man in bed next to me, and all of the desire and motivation I’d not felt over that time hit me at once. The problem was, the mind was willing but the body was taking a bit more persuasion. Nothing was happening: I wasn’t getting wet, orgasms were taking far longer than before and weren’t as intense. I’d been having regular, easy orgasms since my mid-teens, so to suddenly not be able to have one even though I really wanted to was frustrating in every sense of the word. Thankfully, my husband is a patient man and I am as stubborn as a very horny mule. We kept at it, with the help of lube and vibrators, and gradually my body remembered how to enjoy itself. I’m still on citalopram and our sex life is as active and enjoyable as ever – but I’m lucky. I have friends who have found their sex drive non-existent, or who haven’t been able to orgasm full stop. Antidepressants are brilliant, but we need to make people more aware of how this kind of medication can change such a huge part of their lives, and offer more support to cope with it. The To-Do List And Other Debacles by Amy Jones is out now