First love “We both still care about each other”
Each month, we send two former lovers on a date to see what happens
Nynya, 20, is a theatre supervisor living in London
It was Arwel’s eccentric style that first caught my attention. We started working at a pub together in 2018. He was always wearing this green velvet top and red trousers – it drew looks but he didn’t care what people thought. He was conscious about the environment and bought his clothes from charity shops. I admired that.
One night, we went for drinks after a shift. It was 3am and we were definitely flirting. We both knew we were attracted to each other so I just turned around and said, “Can I kiss you?” He instantly said yes. Because we were already friends, we dived straight into a relationship. Arwel was my first boyfriend. We’d go to the theatre together and spend the evening critiquing the show.
I’d moved to London from Georgia two years before we met and did feel lonely for a while. Arwel showed me it’s possible to find someone who cares about you in a big city. Once, I came back from a two-week trip and Arwel was waiting for me at the train station with a card and flowers. That was when I realised I loved him.
We broke up a year ago when Arwel told me he thought he was gay. I’d had an inkling but didn’t want to be the first to say, and I loved him so hoped I was wrong. It meant that when he told me, it wasn’t a shock – but it did hurt. Still, I put those feelings aside and tried to support him.
We didn’t properly speak about the break-up when it happened, so I wanted to talk it through on the date. I was worried it’d be awkward, but we got on and both still care about each other a lot. I’ve missed his presence in my life and, in hindsight, I regret not trying to stay friends.
“I know it wasn’t easy for her” Arwel, 21, is a circus performer living in London
Nynya and I had only been working together for a month when we got together. I loved how friendly and open she was, and admired her independence. We started off as friends and were always being silly together. I knew I liked her but was too shy to make a move, so I was glad when Nynya was forward enough to kiss me first.
Nynya would often take me to watch West End shows, and seeing her passion and enthusiasm for theatre was one of the things I loved about her. I really thought she was my first love. But, over the year we were together, I began to realise that I was attracted to men. I wasn’t completely sure I was gay, but I also didn’t want to keep secrets from Nynya, so when I told her, we sat down for a chat and made the mutual decision to officially end things. I know it can’t have been easy for Nynya when I came out, but she was comforting and understanding, and didn’t question me. It was still sad, but felt freeing. I now realise I deeply cared for her – rather than it being romantic.
When we met up on the date, it was a bit awkward at first. I was nervous at the thought of having an intense meeting with someone I didn’t know very well any more. But after two minutes, I realised she’s still someone I really like. We caught up on our careers and it became clear we do still miss each other. I think it’d be good for us to hang out sometimes.