Cosmopolitan (UK)

Your not-so-secret single behaviour

Bad dates, disastrous DMs and everything in between...


My date came to pick me up and arrived in a van advertisin­g colonics. It was his family’s business.


After a break-up, my mum dragged me out to a film. I threw on some old trackies and had greasy hair, so was relieved to see there was nobody else in the screening… until I went to the lobby to buy a drink and saw my ex. A minute later, he walked in with this stunning girl, made awkward eye contact and laughed at me. The four of us ended up being the only ones in the theatre throughout the entire film.


I went back to a guy’s house after a great date, and to “create ambience”, he draped a red T-shirt over his bedside lamp. It promptly caught fire and smoked the room out.


We were chatting away about why I was on the shielding list, prevaccine (I have a heart condition), and a guy on an app said this…


When the bill came, he took a pen out of his bag and circled all the things I needed to pay for, then slid it across the table to me.


After a crazygolf date, the guy ghosted me. I wasn’t bothered as I didn’t want to see him again… only he messaged me a fortnight later asking if I’d be interested in a threesome – and if so, could I find the third person?

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