‘My dating disasters have helped shift my priorities’
I’d planned to meet Dylan* on the train so we could go to a gig. I was excited. I’d met up with him a few times, just casual drinks, but he was hot and had an amazing sense of humour.
I scrolled through Instagram while waiting at the station. That’s when
I saw a post that made me question everything. He was boldly complaining about the news that Apple had created a pregnant man emoji. The excitement I’d felt was replaced with a need to know: was he a transphobe?
I broached the topic politely when I got on the carriage to sit beside him. ‘I’m not homophobic, I have gay friends,’ he spat. Dylan’s Black too, so I pointed out, ‘You know that’s like when white people say, “I can’t be racist, I have Black friends,” right?’ As the question landed on him, he roared, shouting at me in front of the other passengers. I don’t even remember what he said, but I exited at the next stop, crying my eyes out. I never saw him again.
I’m done with dating. From now on, I’m putting myself first. Not just because of that guy, but the situation didn’t help. Realising how different we were in our views pinpointed that the effort I put in wasn’t worth it. Dating takes a lot of energy and it wasn’t being reciprocated.
Last year, I was set on settling down and having kids. I still see children in my future, but I’ve realised I can do that alone. I don’t need a man to accomplish the things I want – there are so many options, from IVF to adoption. It’s freeing realising my future choices don’t disappear if I don’t find a man. Ultimately, I’d love to fall in love, but it’s no longer my everything.