A novice’s guide to surviving your first holiday with your significant other
…So you don’t end up ditching your partner in baggage reclaim
It’s holiday season: can you feel it in the air? With every approved request for time off and frenzied late-night Skyscanner search, we inch that little bit closer to the ‘f*ck it’ pint in the airport Wetherspoons – so close, we can almost taste it. That giddy feeling at take-off, followed by that blanket wave of heat as you step out of arrivals. Whether it’s a weekend away or a fortnight in the sun, it’s a welcome respite from the endless grind of our everything-all-the-time lifestyles. The feeling of that muchdeserved break is so good that we can’t help but want to share it with the people we love – and for many of us, that means our boy/girl/they-friends.
While going on holiday with a S/O is – in theory – about having fun and deepening your bond, it’s also a window into how you might navigate other big life events as a team. With all that in mind, is it really such a surprise that so many of us view our first holiday together as a major milestone? According to research from Hotels.com, nearly two-thirds of people believe that the first couple’s holiday is make-or-break material – so you’d better believe we’re on hand to offer some advice on how to survive, thrive and overcome common missteps during your first getaway…
Pitfall to avoid: They love walking around churches… you love the beach
Combat it by: Planning your middle ground. We all have preferences – even if you think you’re not fussed about the destination or what to see and do. It could be as simple as you enjoy weird and wonderful restaurants and they prefer active, sports-filled holidays. It’s important to make your expectations known and, starting at the planning stages, adopt a spirit of give and take. Differences should be celebrated – they’re what make spending time with new people so exciting – but they also mean you’re unlikely to get everything you want 100% of the time – and that applies to your hols, too. What to say: ‘Why don’t we book somewhere with a mix of both? Then we can go to the beach and see sights.’ What not to say: ‘No I am not compromising! Why are you so boring?!’
Pitfall to avoid: You’ve been together 24/7... and you need space
Combat it by: Carving out some alone time. Sometimes going away with a partner for the first time can feel like an endurance test. You wake up in the same bed, eat all your meals together and spend the day glued to each other’s side. With all that in mind, it’s perfectly okay to feel like you need a break and it doesn’t mean that you fancy your partner any less. While it can be tricky to broach the conversation, especially if you’re worried about hurting their feelings, it’s important to advocate for your own needs – especially as spending a few hours apart can provide perspective and prevent small issues from escalating into bigger arguments. Our advice? Try to keep things non-confrontational and suggest set things to do and windows of time where you can part ways and then come back together for a joint activity.
What to say: ‘I’m going to recharge by the pool, how about you head off to that museum you mentioned and I’ll meet you back at the hotel for dinner later?’ What not to say: ‘PLEASE. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.’
Pitfall to avoid: You’re two days in and penniless thanks to their taste in Michelinstarred restaurants
Combat it by: Be clear on budgets before you go. We all enjoy a treat. And, not to judge, but your new beau makes it look like an extreme sport. The issue? They want you to split the bill. Differing pay cheques don’t spell holiday doom, but you do need a frank chat about money – the kind that even the bolshiest among us may shy away from. Work out how much you want to spend on transport, accommodation, meals and going out, and present it to your partner – complete with suggestions of what you’d plan to do on that budget, keeping in a few things they’re keen on. If they resist, work out a different pay plan: rather than splitting equally, see what they’re happy to spend and negotiate a percentage split. Or perhaps they cover a few boujier meals or activities they’re passionate about. What to say: ‘Can we talk about budgets? We can go to that bar, but let’s take public transport.’ What not to say: ‘Not everyone has a trust fund, sweetie…’
Pitfall to avoid: They’ve left the hotel room in a state and you’re suffering in silence
Combat it by: Allocate time to check in and discuss. We’ve all been there: your S/O rubs you the wrong way, but you don’t want to ruin the vibe so you keep quiet. While you may think this avoids conflict, it can lead to resentment. Don’t just grit your teeth, make your voice heard. Say it’d be good to talk about how things have been going. Make sure you’re open to a calm and empathetic conversation about your quirks, as well as theirs.
What to say: ‘Let’s make sure we’re on the same page about how this is going – do you fancy a quick catch-up?’ What not to say: Nothing!
Pitfall to avoid: They’ve gone viral on TikTok for dancing on the bar after one too many glasses of rioja
Combat it by: Remembering that in wine, there is no truth. We like to let loose on hols, but all-inclusive cocktails can show a person’s wild side. Talk about what ‘a few drinks’ looks like to each of you and remember that we’re all different. If you know their personality will do a 180 the second prosecco passes their lips, try a more sensitive chat about boundaries and potentially avoiding things that revolve around drinking. Alcohol can make us act out of character, so be compassionate and make sure that all decisions are made collaboratively.
What to say: ‘Let’s talk about last night when you feel better...’ What not to say: ‘Even my 11-yearold cousin saw what you got up to!’