Oh, the agony!

Agony aunt Mrs Hudson solves your dilemmas

Look into my eyes Q

A neighbour of ours has an unfortunate habit of staring at my chest when speaking to me. I know his wife well and I don’t think he means anything by it, but that’s not really the point, is it?

K. N., West Sussex

A

I’m working on the assumption that you are a lady and are referring to someone staring at your breasts—but if you are actually the proud possessor of a marvellous set of pectoral muscles, please do excuse me.

No, I suppose it isn’t the point whether or not he ‘means anything’ by it—by which I assume you mean whether or not he’s making advances. If it’s any comfort, I genuinely believe there are men who have no idea that they’re doing this. I mean, they can’t, can they? Because often, they’re perfectly lovely chaps who would surely be mortified, were they aware…

Of course, you could try the mortification approach to put a stop to it. ‘Hello Ned, yes, I’m well thank you and so are the girls—but they’re also quite shy, so would you mind not focusing all of your attention on them?’ —stooping simultaneously so your eyes are back in his field of vision. You could respond in kind, delivering all conversation direct to his crotch until he gets the message.

If you’re feeling truly wicked (and/or fed up), you could always file a complaint with his wife. I’m sure it’s nothing an electricshock collar wouldn’t remedy.

In need of advice? Email your problem to mrs.hudson@futurenet.com