Town Mouse

Packing on the timber

ONE of the many effects of the various lockdowns and general state-sponsored lethargy of the past two years has been some insidious, but certainly substantial, weight gain. This mouse is a young mouse and has long been a thin mouse, so this has been something of a welcome development. A couple of extra pounds, in the right place, has paid dividends, with comments such as ‘you look healthy’ and ‘it’s a nice change to see that you are no longer a hideous spindly ghoul haunting the drinking establishments of south London’ making the confidence swell.

Alas, with every action, there must come a reaction. Wedding season for this mouse kicked off in earnest last weekend and it was time to dig out the tails. Sadly, he did not figure to try on said tails before the morning of the big day. A mistake. Turning up to church resembling a badly made sausage, buttons screaming in agony and without enough room in my waistcoat to take anything but the shortest breath, was not the best way to reacquaint myself with friends not seen in years. Thankfully, a 30-minute service meant I didn’t have to borrow a geriatric guest’s oxygen tank to make it past the vows.

The rest of the evening passed without (major) incident, and this mouse has already signed up to the latest crossfit. The next wedding is the Editor’s in about a month’s time. The pressure is on.