‘I need walking to liberate me’

“I need to find a way beyond the restrictive isolation of my four bedroom walls. To sanctuary and peace, confidence, self belief and motivation. What are my obstacles? Primarily my weight – I’m just over 25½ stone. The mental battle is trying to not see the effort as futile or curse myself for ‘wasting time’. I’m naturally drawn to depression too. Getting out walking is a therapeutic release, but getting mentally prepared to actually do it is a battle. But I need walking to liberate me. I love the countryside, trying to find hidden or new marvels, and I’d also love to explore further afield. But what I don’t have is a brain which wants to be all in. It would much rather hide in safety procrastinating. A more willing body to drag it out more, kicking and screaming if needs be, would help. But I need to stop being so scared that steepness is impossibly demotivating and be willing to go at the pace I can, and be proud of what

I can do. Fitness.

Less mental fragility.

Less self-doubt.

Those are my hopes.”