There have been five occasions where I genuinely thought I’m going to die right now...
JAIME Richards says she wasn’t the “stereotypical” victim of domestic violence.
Yet she suffered horrendously at the hands of her abuser for nearly two years in total.
The horrors in her past include having knives put to her throat, being strangled, stamped on and even imprisoned in a bathroom for two days.
On one occasion, Jaime was even taken to a quarry and believed she was about to be killed.
Yet she found an inner strength to seek help and break the cycle of control and violence that her once loving partner had held over her for so long.
Among the reasons she was able to come out the other side of the abuse was the unwavering support of Coventry Haven - the very organisation at which Jaime now works herself to help provide help and refuge to women most in need.
“I knew I wanted to give something back because Haven did actually save my life,” Jaime said.
She said that simply being “believed” was a massive step on her journey out of abuse one that she wants to help other women take as they move forward with their lives.
”I never thought for one moment I would find myself in that situation. [I’m] Not the stereotypical victim at all,” said Jaime.
“Through the grooming period, even though there had been no violence, at that first point of violence I realised how scared I was of him.”
By the age of 19, Jaime had her first home by herself and was “fiercely independent” when she met her soon-to-be partner - and sadly, later, abuser.
“I was introduced to this guy by one of my best friends and the first incident that was in public on a sunny day in June, I didn’t realise he was coming up behind me and I don’t know if he slapped or punched me, but I ended up on the floor. I picked myself up and from there it escalated very quickly,” she explained.
Some of the violence that Jaime went on to endure included her being threatened with knives being drawn across her throat, strangulation and an incident where he tied her wrists and ankles, dragged her to the corner of the bed and punched her, before dragging her across the floor to the bathroom by her hair. There she was stamped on and then locked in the bathroom for two days before she could get out.
That attack led to her expartner being charged and convicted of assault.
Looking back, Jaime said: “From that first day I picked myself up in the street off the floor, I knew that I was getting out of the relationship, but it was really, really hard.
“It took me another 18 months to do that. I stood up in court - it was the hardest thing I have ever done - and I got a sentence. But to me it was not worth it.”
Having served half of his sentence behind bars, he was released from custody and breached his licence conditions - but it took police a week to find him.
Jaime said: “That was hard for me. I stayed at home basically on the first floor so I could see.
“Quite a few months in, after he was picked up and remanded, he pushed and pushed for bail and eventually got it with real strict conditions.
“Within a week or so I let the dog out at night which was her ritual. She did it every single night and he knew that as he lived with us.
“As normal I opened the door a little, pushed the dog out and waited for her to come back. The lights went on as normal as the dog was out there and I could see a figure and the door was forced open and he was there.
“There have been five occasions where I genuinely thought ‘I’m going to die right now’ and that was one of them.”
He forced his way back in to Jaime’s life for another four months and she said the violence “escalated even further when I didn’t think it could”.
That violence again involved knives, saw Jaime woken up “with a baseball bat” and stamped on, as well as controlling behaviour such as not being allowed access to her phone or social media, and even being taken to a flat in an unknown location so even if she had escaped she wouldn’t have known where to go.
She also revealed: “I’ve been frogmarched across to a quarry and been told this is going to be it.”
As she was still engaged with police, he made her go to them and ask for statements to be retracted. She said: “Luckily it was out of my hands because I didn’t want them to.
“Also I couldn’t say to them that he was back. The control was back and exactly like he was telling me ‘I can do whatever I want and nobody can stop me, the police can’t stop me’ - and he was proving it as he was doing that.
“I eventually managed to get him arrested a second time and a prison sentence.”
Before he was released from prison once more, Jaime moved so that he could not find her.
Jaime has now worked for Coventry Haven, where she is the development and funding officer, for four years, having previously volunteered with
the charity. “I knew I wanted to give something back because Haven did actually save my life,” said Jaime.
“Even though you are going through all that violence, you don’t know what’s going on. It’s a constant state of confusion because you are up, you’re down, you’re sleeping with one eye open.
“They believed me and that was a massive thing for a victim to be believed and not judged, because even if you reach out to family members or close friends, if they give you that wrong response like ‘if it was me I would just leave’ or ‘why don’t you just call police?,’ they are telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, and that’s all the perpetrator is doing.
“So I knew it was something I wanted to do, but it took me quite a while until I was in a place where I could do that.”
Even though you are going through all that violence, you don’t know what’s going on. It’s a constant state of confusion... Jaime Richards