How cycling can improve mental health,
Charlie Graham-dixon explains how exercise in general, and cycling in particular, has helped him deal with anxiety issues
As a child, I often felt nervous and anxious. I’d be uncertain and worried around others, especially in group situations. This continued into my teenage years, when the combined pressures of secondary school and adolescence often made me edgy, afraid and jittery. But I always felt better during exercise. Whether playing street cricket with my older brother or football for my school team, sport made me feel more focused, relaxed and calmer. Why did it take me so long to fully grasp the benefits?
It wasn’t until my mid-20s, after returning from university, that I was forced to think seriously about my mental health. I’d loved the carefree student lifestyle, partied a great deal, and barely exercised — maybe I didn’t need the uplifting effects. After returning to London, my hometown, I continued partying but the anxiety came back. Though I’d been hopeful such feelings were a thing of the past, I had my first panic attack aged 25 while attending a classical music concert. The dread and anxiety closed in to the point of real terror that something terrible was happening to me. From then on, I lived in fear of further attacks and avoided enclosed spaces whenever I could.
I could no longer ignore it: I had to accept that I suffered from anxiety and depression and would have to take steps to help myself. This started with running — horrendous at first, as the years of smoking and unhealthy living left me coughing and gasping for breath after five minutes. But things slowly improved as I became fitter and stronger, clocking faster times, gaining fitness and feeling lifted. There was no turning back.
Running led to cycling when I turned my hitherto tedious commute into a workout, a daily hit of happiness. I bought an alloy 2010 Specialized Langster fixie and couldn’t believe a bike could be so light, responsive and fast. Racing other commuters away from traffic lights, no doubt irritating serious roadies, felt like I was flying.
After a while I began doing longer weekend rides with my friend Matt (see below), a former talented junior who’d race ahead on his road bike, in proper kit and shoes, while I trailed behind in one gear, T-shirt and trainers. But I didn’t care; I loved it. For two or three years this was how I rode — not training, nor riding with focus — but for the sheer enjoyment and freedom. My mental health improved, as did my fitness; 15-mile rides became 20s, 30-milers became 40s, and on it went.
Four years ago, having messed around on single-speed bikes for long enough, I took the plunge and bought my first road bike: a trusty Ribble winter steed from ebay. Where previously my OCD, obsessive thoughts, ruminations and worrying gave rise to anxiety, I discovered I could use these traits to my advantage, turning negative energy into positive effort.
As I rode more and my strength and fitness increased, I started looking forward to climbs that had once terrified me. My times slowly improved, along with my ability to breathe at the summits! Cycling was giving me the confidence to push myself further and harder than I had thought possible.
When I feel bad, my brain fixates on issues until they consume me; what starts as a worry grows into a crisis. I’ve found that cycling not only converts my obsessive, anxious energy into healthier, more enjoyable forms, it also means I spend more time feeling happier off the bike, as my head is clearer.
Where once I’d lie on the sofa worrying, now I go for a ride — focusing on my training, whether climbing, power output or a Strava segment. I feel a sense of inner peace as my thoughts are simplified: bike, body, surroundings, and how to improve as a rider. Reaching this point has meant accepting that anxiety is simply a part of who I am, trusting that my problems — even when they seem to threaten or dwarf me — can help me too.
I’m now 33 and cycling remains a huge part of my life. I train four or five days a week, ride club runs, sportives and have trained in Majorca. The next big step is my first competitive race, planned for this month, when I will finally enter the rough-and-tumble world of crit racing. Naturally I’m nervous, but also really excited — I can’t wait.
Not only has cycling made me happier by showing me light at the end of a very dark tunnel, it has also sharpened my focus, tapping into reserves of energy, determination and abilities I’d forgotten I possess.
I tried therapy and medication, and both were helpful but only in the short term. Whether riding on the road or pushing myself to the limit on the turbo, cycling gives me something the conventional treatments have been unable to — complete freedom and a long-term way to feel better.