THE DSM LOOP

DISTANCE: 80KM | CLIMBING: 1,043M

Icall this the DSM loop because it passes a DSM factory. Did you know that DSM exists not just as three letters written across a cycling jersey, but as its own entity? Neither did I, until I saw its familiar swirly logo on a massive warehouse in Dalry.

It feels nice to have a touch of the Worldtour, albeit as a faceless facility of mass production, close to home. I don’t know what it produces, but if likeability was a driver for its cycling sponsorship then, kudos to that PR team: I like them a lot! (I hope they don’t make guns.)

Going through Dalry is a means to an end on this ride and that end is two opportunities to recognise your place in the world; first on the Fairlie Moor Road and second on the Old Largs Road.

The Archibalds have debated the way to ride over the Fairlie Moor by asking if bike riding is about putting yourself through as much pain and suffering as possible, or about experiencing something of the world on two wheels. I’m usually in the former camp, but it would take a true sadist to promote going west to east over the Fairlie Moor. West to east is a 3km climb with an average gradient of 7% and ramps of 13%. Thumbs down, 0 stars, doesn’t get my vote.

If you do as I suggest, and ride east to west, you’ll have to pay the toll of a small kicker at the start in exchange for a gorgeous rolling climb that lets you look down from on high at the Clyde estuary. You’ll see the isles of Cumbrae, Bute, and Arran on the horizon, and… nothing else. For a brief meditative moment, riding through the mist of a Scottish day, you can forget that human civilisation still trundles on; that the people who saw you run for and still miss the bus are out there somewhere; that email is a thing. All that exists is you, your bike, and the horizon. Until you notice a sheep marked with spray paint and remember the word ‘human’.

Not to worry. From there, you test your brakes on the 13% descent, fly along the coast road into Largs, give a jolly wave to the A760 (Largs Road), and continue on to the Old Largs Road. A very old road if judged by how long it’s been on maps, quite a new road if judged by the state of the tarmac. You’ll enjoy riding it.

As you descend back into civilisation this time, however, the view will be far busier. You’ll see houses and high rises, pylons and cranes, and by the time you’re at the bottom you’ll even hear screaming (if it’s break time at Whinhill Primary School). Don’t dread it. By this point you’ll have empty legs but a full soul, and instead of cursing whoever it was that put the internet in your pocket as you approach the sprawl of houses, you’ll think fondly of whoever it was that invented the kettle that’s sat in all those homes.

Homes just like yours, where in no time at all you’ll be having a brew, watching a bike race, and falling asleep before the first attack. Bliss.