Food for thought

The Velominati’s Frank Strack chews over the issue of eating while riding

Dear Frank

One of my ride buddies brings jam sandwiches and salted new potatoes on every ride, insisting they are ‘more pro’ than gels or bars. What do the Rules say about acceptable eating habits on the bike? Huw, by email

Dear Huw

When I first started using Powerbars they were a luxury. They came in flavours like ‘chocolate’ without actually being chocolate. Instead they were starchy things coated in flour to keep them from sticking to their foil wrappings. However, when I bit into one in sub-freezing conditions, it left my lips in the compromised condition of being firmly stuck to it.

Before Powerbars, my mother baked our training snacks. These were muffins we lovingly called ‘shit rocks’ and thin oat cakes we indifferently called ‘baked cardboard’. The shit rocks, I would like to point out, were thus named not for their effect on our bowels but instead for their appearance and texture, made from a blend of bran, oats, raisins and nuts.

Baked cardboard needs no explanation but I will point out that they were only ever considered ‘food’ or ‘tasty’ in the eventuality that you were either on the verge of a bonk or you happened to be my father, who unflinchingly loves anything my mother has ever baked. (It’s charming now that I know what I know about love.)

The Rules have loads to say about the history, culture and etiquette of cycling, but they have very little to say when it comes to acceptable eating habits on the bike. First is Rule #47 ( Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples) but to be honest, that has more to do with beer, chainrings and ego than it does with what to eat while riding, unless you’re from the Anquetil school of training, in which case you’ve got champagne in the bidon and a rack of lamb in the jersey pocket.

Then there’s Rule #52 ( Drink in moderation), which has more to do with not drinking too much in the second place and not having unsightly large bidons on your bike in the first.

Finally, with Rule #91 ( No food on training rides under four hours) we get to something we can sink our teeth into, or at least get into a proper argument about. The Rule was suggested by Belgian Classics hardman Johan Museeuw, so anyone who can’t ride for 20 minutes without stopping for a banana can take up the issue with him.

The fact is, the culture of European road cycling has very few reliable things to say about what are acceptable habits (eating or otherwise) on the bike. In fact, it has much more to say about what are not acceptable habits on the bike: don’t eat, don’t drink (water, that is. Alcohol is encouraged – we’re cyclists, not savages), don’t have sex during the racing season (which happens to be about 345 days long these days), but feel free to smoke cigars recreationally for relaxation.

So we’re a little hazy on what we should be eating on the bike. To that end, a friend recently tucked a plastic bag of dried mangoes in my jersey pocket as I embarked on a long group ride. He patted the pocket and said, ‘Don’t touch these until you need them. You’ll know when the time is right, and when it is, they’ll save you.’ OK, Yoda, whatever. The fact is, I bonked. Hard. And when I did, I reached for the mangoes and after I popped a couple of those dried up, disgusting little wilted waifs, I led the bunch home, guns-a-blazing.

I think the most relevant Rule in this case is Rule #13: If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down. It speaks to morale more than science. It means you should train hard in mind and body, but don’t discount the power of superstition. It creeps in and affects the morale in ways we can’t possibly comprehend. Irrespective of my physical state at the time, morale was fairly low when I had a floured Powerbar frozen between my lips. On the other hand, baked cardboard or dried mangoes tasted like heaven when the tank was depleted and I was running on fumes.

Eat whatever gets you home. Just make sure you look good eating it.