The women at the heart of town whose name is known
EVERYONE has a story to tell, but not everyone gets a chance to share theirs.
We walk past thousands of people during our lives, but never know anything about the experiences that have shaped them.
There’s even a word for it – “sonder”, the realisation that every passer-by is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.
Throughout human history, women’s stories have been largely underrepresented, unspoken and forgotten.
To mark International Women’s Day last Friday, nine women from Merthyr Tydfil have given us a snapshot of their lives.
Their words are heartbreaking and joyful, trailblazing and inspiring...
Lowri, 26
“I moved back to Wales after living in a city in England for a long time. I came back because I’m really passionate about the Welsh language and preserving the culture.
“My whole family is Welsh-speaking, so it’s natural to me. I want to make people see the language as a modern thing, rather than something that’s a bit dusty and old – to show that young people use it and that it is cool.
“I’m a bilingual engagement officer for the local college. We work with musicians to promote Welsh-language
music.
“It’s not just choirs and primary schools. There’s a metal scene, there’s a techno scene – it’s a lot more different than people expect.
“It’s been quite an adjustment to go from living in a city to coming back to a small town. There’s a lot more openmindedness in those bigger cities.
“When you come back you feel like you’re scrutinised, even for having black hair or piercings. It doesn’t take much to stand out like a sore thumb here.”
Rebecka Bow, 44
“My daughter’s got cystic fibrosis. She’s 13 now. About two years ago, I was part of a big campaign to get drugs from America into the UK and I did a lot for Wales. We did a lot of fundraising and got over 100,000 signatures for the campaign, so it was debated in Parliament.
“I was going back and forth from Parliament, back and forth from big debates. I met with Theresa May oneon-one, who was the prime minister at the time. It was a challenging experience and a big part of my life. But we finally got the result and it’s paid off. My daughter has been on the drugs for two years now.
“She’s still on a lot of medication, a lot of physio, a lot of appointments – but we’re moving in the right direction. The drugs have definitely helped her, so it was worth every sleepless night. Life is good.”
Marjorie James, 76
“My marvellous husband Reg died a couple of months ago. I miss him terribly. We met on New Year’s Eve in the ‘60s. I was queuing outside to get into a party in the old miners’ hall in Merthyr Tydfil. It was tipping down with rain and I didn’t have an umbrella. This gentleman had a big black umbrella.
“I had very blonde hair in those days and he shouted to me, ‘Oi, blondie, come under my umbrella!’ I was under it then for 58 years.
“Reg and I lost five children to cystic fibrosis. Nobody knew what it was back then.
“One of my daughters, Karen, lived until she was 12 and a half. That was decades ago, but it still hurts. I decided then I wasn’t going to have any more biological children. I adopted my daughter Emma when she was six.
“Eleven years ago I had a dreadful accident. I had been a nurse for 32 years. I was coming home from a night shift and I hit black ice. When my car stopped spinning, the bonnet was on the road. I opened the door and put my legs out to get out. And at that moment, a big lorry went straight through me. The door slammed and chopped my legs off.
“I shouldn’t be alive but I’m here to tell the tale.
“Determination has kept me going. I’d love to go around and show people that they can live a full life even with no legs.”
Agi Okorodudu, 45
“I moved here a few months ago from Nigeria with my husband and four children. We left Nigeria because the economy and the job prospects aren’t so good.
“I’m studying for a Master’s in human resource management at the University of South Wales. Back home, I was a school administrator, so I’m doing the Master’s to hone my skills.
“We ended up in Merthyr Tydfil by chance – it was where we could find accommodation.
“It’s a quiet town and it’s a good place for you to bring up your family. But I’m still finding my feet here and it’s different from home.
“This is my first time in the UK and I don’t know a lot of places in the UK, but in Nigeria we’re more social. We go out more, you go over to your neighbour’s house and things like that – you can’t do that here. I miss it.
“I hope to meet people, get a job and settle in quickly. It’s like an adventure. I’ll watch and see what life brings.”
Rebecca Harris, 31
“In 2019 I celebrated International Women’s Day in a women’s refuge with my children. It was a day full of laughter, dancing, hugs, and a sense of freedom and hope.
“It was a pivotal moment for me. It showed me that there is more to my life than just being a victim of abuse. I realised I can do whatever I want with my life.
“I had escaped with my two kids and put all our belongings I could fit in the car. I filled it to the top with fuel – it cost me about £60 and I only had 20p left in my bank account.
“I moved us to Wales to be safe and start a new life. I’d visited a few times before and always loved the feeling the mountains gave me. It was like my comfort blanket. There were no mountains in Coventry – only buildings.
“My experience has made me passionate about helping others. I worked for the Royal College of Nursing for about three years before I decided to work for myself. I’ve just set up a community interest company here – The Wellness Centre Merthyr – to help people through holistic practices.”
Pat Hughes, 78
“I think women in Merthyr Tydfil are quite invisible. Other women might feel differently, but that’s my experience from living here for nearly
my whole life. I feel like men still don’t treat us as equals here and don’t take us seriously. If I’m out with my friends and their partners, I often feel the men dominate.
“I think it stems from the traditional Welsh culture, when men had the authority years ago before the laws changed. I still find a lot of that attitude still predominates today.
“The main swimming pool in Merthyr Tydfil leisure centre has been closed for four years. Using it was a big part of mine and other women’s lives – my friends and I always went to exercise classes in the water. It helped my mental health and confidence.
“One of my friends has become a recluse – the pool was the one thing we could get her out to.
“Even though I’ve tried to protest and phone up the council, nobody seems to notice. I’m sure if men wanted it, their voices would be heard far more than ours.”
Beena, 59
“I’ve lived here for 18 years with my husband and our son. Before that we lived in Oman and Scotland. We’ve moved around because of my husband’s job – he’s an anaesthetist.
“I was born and raised in Kerala in India. I used to be a nursery teacher there a long time ago, but since then I’ve been a housewife.
“For more than a decade, I travelled back and forth to India to look after my grandmother and then my mother when they were unwell. My mother had kidney problems and dementia. It was very difficult. During her worst periods I used to stay for up to three months at a time. It meant I could never take up a job.
“We’re a family of dog lovers, but because I went to India quite often we couldn’t adopt one. But I look after dogs – friends’ pets – when they go on holiday.
“Out of all the places I’ve lived, the people of Merthyr stand out for me. They’re so friendly. When we came there was hardly anyone of Indian origin, but even then none of the neighbours made us feel alien.”
Kiera Moran, 28
“By day, I’m an educator. I work with young people who are at risk of leaving school and not being in education, employment or training. I really love doing it – I’ve always wanted to work with young people and I’ve always been interested in teaching.
“By night, I’m an artist. I’ve always been painting and drawing and felt from a young age that art is something that I had to produce. I studied art at university and I was planning to explore that as a career before my son was unwell.
“I became a mother at 18 and now have two boys. My eldest son, Noah, was diagnosed with leukaemia aged four, a month after I graduated university. Initially it was like the floor was falling from beneath us.
“Now Noah is better, I’ve been able to revisit my career in art. I teach art classes and I’ve also developed art projects for the community. I document my work on Instagram and recently started exhibiting again.”
Hannah Phillips, 38
“I’m obsessed with the concept of the ripple effect at the moment. I learnt all about it when I did a psychotherapy diploma. I’ve been running Wonderful Women for a year now. It’s a platform to champion inspirational women in the area and empower others through talks and other channels.
“I wondered how I could replicate it for men. We’ve got this massive crisis in Merthyr at the moment of male suicide. So I put a post up online asking men if they’d be willing to give an inspiring, motivating or educating talk. I had 13 men come forward and we put on an event in the Redhouse last month, which sold out.
“It was just phenomenal. We had these brave, resilient men talking mainly about their mental health. I got a little bit of backlash because I’m a woman behind it. But the ripples from it already have been great. It inspired one man to go sober for a bit. We’ve made a little dent in the men’s mental health world in Merthyr.”