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GREAT Moments in European History No. 47: William of Normandy decides to invade England. The year: 1066. The scene: a beach in Normandy. William of Normandy looks towards Pevensey Bay and tells his troops he’s thinking of invading Britain in order to unite France and England. He tells his troops and they quickly divide into two groups called Brinvade and Brignore.
The Brinvaders cheer William’s plans and point out all the obvious economic benefits of uniting England and France into one trading block; the Brignorers shake their heads saying that England is not worth bothering with and would be too much trouble.
“Why on earth do you want to invade Britain?” asked a leading Brignorer. “They speak Anglo- Saxon, which we can’t understand, and their climate is much worse than ours.”
“Don’t listen to the Brignoramuses,” a Brinvader advised. “When the two countries are joined together, we can redraw all our trade deals and sell them more cheese.”
“It’ll take years to agree the trade deals,” a Brignorer said. “Any attempt to unite the countries will lead to simmering resentment that will surely in time boil over and result in a war that could go on for a hundred years or more. Why do you want to become King of England anyway?”
“I am the rightful heir of Edward the Confuser,” said William. “They call him the Confuser, you know, because of all the confusion his death caused. Harold seized the throne and I want it back.”
“I believe Harold says Edward the Confuser on his deathbed nominated him as successor,” the Brignorer said.
“Confusing, isn’t it?” said William, and his troops nodded in agreement.
“We’d all be better off without England,” said another Brignorer. “We have to take a boat ride even to get there. Trying to trade with them only creates problems.”
“It’s no problem,” said a Brinvader: “The English have to come over to France by boat to sell their goods. Our exporters just hitch a ride on the same boats on their way back. After our invasion, the English will pay for the boats and our trade will benefit.”
“I believe the Norwegians have been trying to persuade the English to adopt the Norse model,” a Brignorer said.
“Well that’ll never work,” said a Brinvader. “The Norse model is based on a programme of pillaging and looting which does not fit with the English economy. They tried to negotiate a compromise by paying the Vikings Danegeld not to pillage and loot, but it’s all ended in acrimony.”
“Trying to unite England and France has highly uncertain consequences and seems reckless in the extreme,” said a Brignorer. “What good will it do if you become King of England anyway?”
“I want,” said William forcefully, “to be called William the Conquerer, so I have to conquer somewhere, and England is closest.”
With that argument, nobody dared argue. He was, after all, known until then as William the Bastard, and anything would be better than that. So the invasion went ahead.