Everyone’s got a cover story

MY WIFE texted me yesterday morning to direct my attention to a report of a court case in which a man attacked his girlfriend after she accused him of pulling the bed covers off her. I think her point was that I’d got off lightly with the dig in the ribs and verbal abuse I’d been on the receiving end of a few nights previously after allegedly indulging in a bout of duvet hogging.

I don’t think the magistrate in the case was far off the mark when he observed that “99.9 per cent of couples argue about bed covers” – even if most of them don’t resort to actual violence – but I can’t believe research which has since been cited that the average couple bicker in the bedroom 167 times a year. For one thing the figure seems far too precise. And anyway, considering the number of times I’m in the spare room for snoring or wanting to read too late, I doubt the Long Suffering and I are in the same bedroom enough to have that many arguments.