How to keep kids calm

DESCRIBE THAT FEELING

Emotion coaching doesn’t mean you have to give children what they want but saying, “I bet you wish you didn’t have to go to school today” helps to lower their resistance because they see you understand how they are feeling.

GRANT FANTASY WISHES

Giving your child wishes in fantasy provides understanding without trivialising the situation. So if your child complains that you boss her around, you might say, “I bet you wish you could be a queen and have servants to order around.”

When your child joins in and the fantasies become more elaborate, it becomes fun and the mood lightens but there is no suggestion the fantasy will come true.

DON’T TRY TO TAKE THEIR FEELINGS AWAY

When we say things such as, “You don’t hate your sister, you love her really,” the child gets the message that they are mistaken about their feelings which is confusing.

This doesn’t stop them from having the feelings but makes them feel guilty.

So to cut down on battles in the present and build emotional health for the future, acknowledge what children are feeling even if you don’t like what they are doing.

Extracted from Real Parenting For Real Kids by Melissa Hood, published by Practical Inspiration Parenting, priced £16.99. To order call Express Bookshop on 01872 562310 or send a cheque/PO payable to Express Bookshop to Express Bookshop, PO Box 200, Falmouth TR11 4WJ or buy online at expressbookshop.co.uk. UK delivery is free.

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