Happy Mondays

Leading life and happiness coach

“SO, what do you do?” is one of those conversation killers we all have to endure when we have hit a conversational cul de sac with a stranger. Our careers or jobs may or may not define us. We could look, act and talk like a jazz musician who has Ronnie Scott’s in a lock down but actually clear drains for a living.

Maybe you have a take on the human condition that could have Desmond Morris scratching his head in awe, knowledge you have gleaned working the night shift at a petrol station. Thing is, there is a huge myth we have been living under in recent times that is causing considerable psychic congestion. That is the delusion that we have to find our meaning and purpose via our work.

I work with clients raging with frustration and yearning to find their thing, their meaning, their purpose, their calling via a career or profession. So we go through the list. Is it working with children, helping others, starting a business, doing something creative, alternative healing? Nothing resonates.

The false premise that we will know it when we see it drives us to seek and most probably not find that burning desirous thing that will give significance and direction to our lives.

You know what you don’t want, that list is easy. It’s just a manifesto to pain but try compiling an inventory of what lights you up, makes you tick and lifts the corners of your mouth. Can you see yourself doing it for a living?

I prefer the more realistic take on this soul searching by psychologist Abraham Maslow who said: “It isn’t normal to know what we want. It’s a rare and difficult psychological achievement.” High-five, Abraham!

I’m so glad he said this because, trust me, for those on the quest for career satisfaction with benefits will find this is a maze wrapped in a conundrum and few come out happy and with a pay cheque.

Many are called but few are chosen when it comes to finding our calling and maybe it is not to be found in the nine-to-five haul that is the working day but in pastimes and interests – small acts and occasional bursts rather than something that has a title and holiday pay.

Deep down you do know what moves you and where your direction lies. To unearth these answers you need to know yourself, have the confidence to trust your instinct and break through whatever barriers blocked your passions in childhood to favour safety and security over your true calling.

When you push away fear and doubt answers may begin to rise. Bear in mind that the concept of paid work being enjoyable is a recent concept, as is happiness in marriage. Both were once considered to be duties.

If you are on the journey of finding your purpose, keep doing what you love and immerse yourself in what gives you joy. Then if you are at a social gathering try asking “Who were you meant to be?” and you might get a more insightful answer and the bonus of a significant new friend.