I took a vow of celibacy to help heal my broken heart
After her eight-year relationship ended, LAURA JANE WILLIAMS took drastic action so she could come to terms with the break-up
AS SHE sank to the floor, swigging cheap vodka straight from the bottle, Laura Jane Williams tried to take in what had just happened. It was 2009 and her teenage sweetheart David had broken off their relationship after eight years.
Laura had been dreaming of marriage and children but instead David had ended things, leaving her heartbroken.
“I was 22 and utterly devastated. I didn’t know how to react so I copied characters from films and drank until I fell asleep,” says Laura, now 30.
Over the next three years, she travelled the world and threw herself into dating to try to get over the break-up.
However it didn’t work and in 2012 she made a dramatic decision. Rather than trying to find love again she resolved to give up men and sex altogether for a year. In short, she took a vow of celibacy.
“My friends were shocked but I realised I had not been emotionally intimate with anyone since breaking up with David and I needed to take some time out for myself so I could properly heal,” she says.
Laura met David in December 2000 when they were both 14. They started dating when they were 16. After leaving school they spent four years travelling the world before Laura started
a creative writing course in Derby.
Yet when the relationship ended, she sank into a deep depression.
A month later, in an attempt to cheer herself up, Laura went to Paris to visit an old school friend and spent the night with a man she met at a house party.
This encounter was the first of many on her travels, which took her to Detroit in the United States, then to Rome and southern Italy.
Yet after three years Laura realised how unhappy she had become and had an epiphany.
“I was craving intimacy and looking for it in all the wrong places.
“One morning I woke up in bed with a man I’d been seeing and suddenly it felt seedy. After two years I realised I hadn’t healed yet and I vowed to be celibate for a year.”
Laura decided she would not date or have sex with anyone in 2012 in an effort to get to know herself better.
“I had tried dating lots of men to get over my break-up but it didn’t work so I decided to take a break from men altogether and focus on myself.”
When she made her decision she was teaching English in Rome. Then, by chance, she was offered an opportunity to work in a convent.
“I wanted to be away from men altogether for a while, so going to a convent seemed the perfect solution.”
HOWEVER, what Laura didn’t know was the Italian convent was no longer home to nuns but retired monks.
“In my limited Italian I ascertained that it used to be where nuns lived but when they moved out it became a home for elderly monks.”
Laura spent a couple of hours each day teaching English and the rest of her time writing.
“I’d started a blog when I was at university which detailed my exploits as a single woman but realised I had been glossing over the negatives to convince myself that I was having a good time.
“When I started writing about celibacy I realised I was being honest with myself for the first time.”
Laura says that her time in the convent was life-changing. “I read over all the writing I’d done about my travels and realised I didn’t like the person on the pages. I allowed myself to feel hurt rather than pretending everything was OK and I finally started to feel better.”
After 12 weeks Laura moved to London, determined to stick to her vow.
“There were times when I was tempted, such as the night I bumped into an old flame in a bar and started flirting. But I didn’t give in.
“Being celibate was difficult to begin with but it’s like giving up sugar: the longer you do it, the easier it becomes.”
Eventually Laura decided it was finally time to break her vow, just weeks before the end of 2012.
“I had healed from my break-up and learned to separate physical and emotional intimacy. I knew it was the right time to start dating again.
“One night I was at a work party and a man spotted me from across the room and mouthed, ‘I fancy you’.
“He was attractive and confident. We started chatting and ended up dating for a couple of months.”
Today Laura is single but happily so and last year her memoir Becoming was published to rave reviews.
“I’ve built a life I’m proud of and while it would be nice to meet someone, I now see it as a bonus rather than a necessity.
“Writing a book was a healing experience. Every day people send me messages online telling me the book has helped them to love themselves too. Becoming was the diary of my 20s but now I’m 30 I’m ready for a new chapter.”
To order a copy of Becoming: Sex, Second Chances And Figuring Out Who The Hell I Am by Laura Jane Williams (£8.99, Hodder) call the Express Bookshop on 01872 562 310 or visit expressbookshop.co.uk