100 YEARS OLD AND STILL HAVING AN EXCITING LIFE...

LAST weekend, I had a thoroughly relaxing and lazy time in Norwich visiting an old friend whom I had not seen for far too long. On Sunday, she drove me to the station to catch a train back to Cambridge and that is when the excitement began.

My train, the board indicated, would leave from platform 3A to which I headed. There, in front of my intended train, on the portion known as Platform 3, was a faster train to Ely, which is on the way to Cambridge anyway.

Seeing a lady in train company garb on the platform, I asked her whether, if I caught the front train, I might pick up a connection from Ely to Cambridge that would get me there earlier than the Cambridge train from Norwich.

She said she was unsure, but advised that it might be worth trying as there are three companies that operate trains from Ely to Cambridge.

I then asked the vital question: “Is there a toilet on this train?”

“Yes,” she replied. “The toilet is in the middle of the train.”

So I boarded the vehicle and since it was only a two carriage train, finding the middle was easy. There indeed was a toilet, but it was displaying a “This toilet is out of order” sign. Next to it, however, was another toilet also bearing a sign which said: “Toilet door out of order, please use other toilet.”

Examination revealed that the toilet door was, in fact, functioning perfectly, but the flush mechanism was not, so I returned to the uniformed lady to tell her that neither toilet was working.

“The big toilet is fine,” she insisted. “I used it myself outside Thetford.”

“It unmistakably bears an ‘out of order’ sign,” I told her. “And you, as the last one to use it, must now be a prime suspect if we seek the person responsible for the malfunctioning.”

“I may not have been the last to use it,” she said quite reasonably. “I only said I used it outside Thetford. Another passenger may have used it after me.” Then she promised to examine the toilets when she boarded the train.

I found this acceptable and boarded the train again. A few minutes later, however, an announcement in the voice of the same lady apologised that the toilets were out of order and advised passengers requiring a toilet to take the slower train. My need was not urgent, so I stayed put. The message went on to tell passengers that if they saw anything suspicious, they should inform the railway police or a member of the staff.

Soon afterwards, the same lady then came down the train examining tickets and informed me that the big toilet was now working. I thanked her, and told her that I had seen something suspicious. It was a lady who dispensed false information about toilets, kept changing her mind about whether they were working and denied breaking them in the first place, despite being the prime suspect.

She examined my ticket, hoped I would have a good journey and told me that I could now use the toilet. I did so, and when the train arrived at Ely, I did indeed catch a connection which got me to Cambridge about 15 minutes earlier than the slower train. A joyous end to an eventful trip.