100 YEARS OLD AND STILL AS NEOLITHIC AS A HENGE...

THE year was around 2,500BC and the whole of Britain was excited by the advances brought by the Neolithic period. Agriculture was spreading and alongside new farms, much construction was taking place. The latest national project however was facing opposition and criticism from the various tribal chieftains.

Those in favour of the HS2 project, as it was known, were adamant that it would be good for the whole nation. “Henge (Stone) 2 is just what this country needs,” they maintained in an etched tablet which was being passed round. “We’ll build it in Wiltshire, which will greatly benefit the local economy, and people will come from all over Britannia to see it. This will improve travel links over the whole country.”

“But what’s the point of it?” the detractors asked. “What does it do? All we can see in the plans is a circle of stones. Anyway, haven’t we got a henge there already?”

“We’ll knock down the old henge,” the HS2 supporters replied. “It’s mainly a wood and earth henge anyway. That’s positively mesolithic. We have to move with the times. And knocking down the old henge will create jobs in the demolition industry.”

“There was a reason for building a wood henge and earth henge,” their opponents countered. “There’s plenty of wood and earth in that area but not many stones of the size you want. Where are they going to come from?”

“Wales,” said the HS2 planners. “It’s full of stones of all sizes. We’ll drag them to Wiltshire from there.”

“That’s crazy!” said the opponents of the plan. “It’ll cost a fortune. And what’s it all for anyway? How is a ring of stones going to benefit the nation?”

“Henge (Stone) 2 is be our greatest technological and visionary achievement yet,” came the reply. “Quite apart from proving to the world that Britain is still a major force in global affairs, it’ll be a glorious place to watch the sun rise at the Midsummer and Winter solstices. We’ve got our best astronomers working on the project and they assure us the sunlight will shine through the lintels exactly where we want it to.”

“Are you really saying that we’ll only use this new henge of yours on two days a year at most and anyone who wants to do so will have to get up before sunrise to see it? That’s a vanity project if ever I saw one.”

“Once a year is fine,” the HS2 leaders said. “It’ll be like Christmas or birthdays. Anyway, it’s 2500BC so we won’t have Christmas for another twoand-a-half millennia. What the nation needs until then is a good henge made of stone so that it will last.”

“I feel a bit of a fool for asking this,” said one of the doubters, “but what’s a ‘henge’ anyway?”

After a period of stunned silence, a leader of the HS2 committee said “I think a henge is a hanging stone.”

“So really it’s only the top lintels resting on trilithons that are proper henges,” said the questioner. “So shouldn’t you be calling it ‘Henge and Trilithon (Stone)’ or HTS2?”

“We’ll get back to you on that,” said the HS2 committee and the meeting