100 YEARS OLD AND STILL WRITING NEW MERMYTHS...

ONCE upon a time, far out in the ocean surrounded by fishes and crystal clear water, there lived a beautiful mermaid princess. This little mermaid had everything a little mermaid could desire but she still longed to dwell among Land People.

According to the tales, they spoke many strange tongues in this place, and the shops were full of wondrous things, and they had great parties and, above all, they had free movement across land which the little mermaid thought sounded terrific.

So one day, after giving the matter great thought, she sent a letter to the King of the Foreign Land asking if she could come and join them.

“Non!” the reply came back, which was foreign for ‘No!’ “You cannot join us, for you are a mermaid.”

The princess was very disappointed but wrote again every year begging to be allowed to join the land people. And each time, the answer came: “Non!”

Then, one day, the old King of the Foreign Land lost power, and a more generous regime took over. This time, they said, “Yeah, sure. Come on over,” and the princess was delighted. She had to make some concessions, of course, such as less swimming and more walking, but she was sure it would be worth it.

It took the mermaid a long, long time to realise that it had all been a bit of a mistake and when she did, she told the people of the Foreign Land that she’d like to go home.

“Non!” they said. “You can’t go home unless you give us lots and lots of sea shells.”

“How many sea shells?” asked the mermaid, putting a fin into one of her pockets to see how many she had.

“Lots and lots and lots,” said the head foreign land negotiator.

“Can you be more precise?” asked the mermaid politely.

“Lots and lots and lots and lots,” said the negotiator. “Billions. Tens of billions. You tell us how many you’ve got and we’ll tell you if it’s enough.”

“Oh,” said the mermaid. “I’ll go away and count them then.”

After a time, she returned and said, “I can give you a bucketful.” “Not enough,” said the negotiator. “Two bucketfuls,” the mermaid blurted out. “Four, five, 10! And that’s my final offer.”

But the negotiator shook his head and repeated, “Not enough”.

The mermaid princess desperately wanted to go back to her position in the ocean and have nothing more to do with the Land People, so she thought some more about it.

When she returned to the negotiator, she said: “I’ve done some sums, and I can give you almost as many sea shells as you want and maybe even more than that some time later.” “How many?” asked the negotiator. “Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots,” said the mermaid. “And maybe lots and lots more, after that.”

“Phew,” whistled the negotiator. “That sounds like a lot. It’s a deal!”

The princess swam home and told her friends who said, “I told you it would work if we said ‘go whistle’.”

But it’s too early to say whether they all lived happily in debt ever after.