CHORE WARS!
After a recent survey found that more than 75 per cent of youngsters do no jobs around the house, we challenged one mum to put her three ‘reluctant’ children to work – and the results were astonishing
MARY CLAYTON, a 44-year-old French teacher from St Albans, Hertfordshire, lives with her husband Richard, 44, and children Cecily, 13, Robert, 11, and Jeff, eight, in a rural farmhouse.
MARY SAYS:
If I’m being honest I’ve let my children get away with doing nothing for far too long. While I’m busy cooking, cleaning, tending to our pets and tidying up after everyone they’re usually out playing football, reading or mooching in front of a DVD.
I know in my heart of hearts they should do more but whenever I ask for help it feels like such an effort that I just end up doing it myself – a trap I think a lot of mothers get into. But we are clearly not alone as new research has found that three-quarters of children aged six to 17 do no household chores.
I’m hoping this challenge is going to change all that and we’ll see the positive benefits of everyone doing their bit.
I’m usually the one to clear the table but on the first day of the experiment I asked Robert to do it and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. “But it’s not my mess,” he complained. When I told him it wasn’t mine either he relented and eventually picked up the game pieces that were scattered all over it.
Jeff wasn’t quite so forthcoming when I suggested he make his bed. “We don’t do that!” came his indignant reply. For some reason they think the idea of changing their bed sheets is really funny. I had to ask Robert five times to do it but he eventually caved in and thankfully Jeff copied him.
After the bed-making, I announced that they were each going to have to cook a meal this week. I wasn’t sure if they would be keen but all three seemed quite excited about the task and couldn’t wait to get started.
By day three I really felt like we were getting into the swing of things. Both boys happily let our dog Bonnie out without me even having to ask and they all cleared their plates away of their own accord. Robert cheerfully let the chickens out while Jeff agreed, without hesitation, to make his bed. Being the youngest means he has always been my baby but he’s more capable than I realise.
He loved making chicken soup with his sister’s help and enjoyed the intellectual challenge of doubling the ingredients. I had to laugh though when he wrote “Jeff is awesome” at the end of the shopping list.
But just when I was getting my hopes up that the kids had turned a corner I suggested it would be a good idea if they all polished their shoes and it went down like a lead balloon. No one was remotely interested. They weren’t rude or defiant, they just couldn’t see the point of it, although the following day there was a breakthrough when Cecily discovered that it was actually fun to make them shiny.
She did groan a bit when I asked her to clean the shower but once she did it and could see what a good job she’d done, I think she was quite chuffed with herself. And her meal on day four was a real triumph. At the end she even said, “Do you think I should become a chef?”
Although doing jobs around the house had been something of an alien concept to the children, when a school friend told them he was given pocket money for doing chores a light went on and Robert immediately insisted that I should pay for his help.
Jeff soon latched on and started angling for extra iPod time but I just laughed. Soon enough they were all vacuuming and cleaning the car – for free.
After that some really sweet things began to happen. The boys started to work as a little team and were increasingly compliant. Robert would help with something and I’d notice Jeff copying him.
Normally they eat while I’m tidying up the kitchen but as the week went on I found that because they were cooking we were all eating together and chatting at the table for ages afterwards, which has led to a much nicer atmosphere. Usually their father gets a tray of food when he gets home but Cecily now leaves the table ready for him and he loves trying out their culinary efforts.
All in all I think this has been a really successful experiment and I’ve definitely learned that they are more capable and willing to do things round the house than I’d thought. Over the week I thought I’d have to do more pushing but they genuinely surprised me when they put their clothes away or brought stuff in from the car without me asking.
Working out at what age you can start giving them more responsibility is part of the transition from babyhood to independence.
I see now that you have to build it up so eventually they don’t question it. I think as a result of this experiment all three children are happier and have more purpose in their day.
CECILY SAYS:
I thought mum had gone mad when she told us about this challenge but it has actually been quite fun and she has been really happy. I had no idea how much she was doing. We used to empty the dishwasher but that was about it. Now I’ve discovered that I like polishing shoes because it’s quite an arty thing to do. I don’t like dusting but cleaning the car was surprisingly enjoyable and it looked really good by the time we’d finished.
I’ve also discovered that I love cooking, which I’d never done before. I made towers out of smoked salmon, avocado, mozzarella and rice – I invented it and it was a really cool feeling. I’ll definitely keep doing those things because I can see it has made mum’s life easier.
ROBERT SAYS:
When you are busy doing things you don’t realise the mess you are making until you go back to clean it up. Now when I go into my room I don’t have to step over 1,000 things. In the past we’ve created pathways through the mess but we’ve never actually put anything away in baskets before. It’s so much nicer to play there now. For my cooking night I made pizza and a pudding. It was really quite amazing. It has definitely made life easier for mum. We’ve done most of the things she’d normally do and it has been lovely helping her out. I understand a lot more how hard she has to work to keep the house nice and clean.
Of all the jobs we had to do I liked vacuuming the best as it was fun and noisy. I didn’t enjoy making my bed because there’s always a massive ruffle up somewhere. But I’ve realised that we need to help wash up or we’re going to have dirty cutlery and plates. I think I’m probably a better person now. We are going to keep on doing it.
JEFF SAYS:
We’ve helped mummy and she is a bit calmer now. I discovered that I like washing the car and cooking. I liked making the duvet on my bed flat but putting pyjamas under the pillow was a bit annoying. It was fun with the vacuum cleaner because there’s lots of air and it makes a funny rattling noise when bits of gravel go up by accident. I also cooked chicken noodle soup; I have never cooked anything like that before. Doubling the ingredients was fun because I really like maths and had to do lots of times-ing. I don’t think she realised all the things I could do.