I’ve never been so frightened in my life
The TV stylist and author talks to HANNAH BRITT about facing up to her Strictly fears and how her difficult childhood inspired her first novel
NOBODY wants to be the first person voted off Strictly Come Dancing. And when Susannah Constantine started rehearsing with her partner Anton du Beke, she was confident it wouldn’t be her.
“Up until the live shows I said to Anton, ‘I think we’re going to get to Halloween’, then, ‘I think we might make it to Blackpool.’
“We were doing dance steps he said he would only give to a professional and then it was like, ‘Anton, I think we can win.’ I was completely deluded.”
But in front of a live audience it all went horribly wrong. Susannah’s technicolour samba received a drubbing from the judges and just a single point from the show’s Mr Nasty, Craig Revel Horwood.
“I genuinely don’t think I even deserved a one,” laughs Susannah, 56, who was voted off the show the following week. “I don’t know what I looked like. What a mess.”
Despite having no regrets about taking part, Susannah says she wishes she could have conquered the nerves she believes held her back. “I have never in my life been so frightened,” she says. “It was the judges and being judged for something I’d only just learnt to do. I was terrified of letting Anton down. I could not get past that. Now I feel so frustrated and angry that I couldn’t just let go and enjoy myself.”
It may seem hard to believe that Susannah – who as one half of Noughties makeover queens Trinny and Susannah was famed for her straight-talking approach on TV hit What Not To Wear – could be afraid of anything. In the show, the no-holds-barred fashion duo revamped the wardrobes and self-esteem of women across the UK.
However, Susannah admits that her own confidence took a knock when she entered her 50s.
“I went though what I call the mental menopause and I lost all my confidence. It lasted for about four or five years, up until quite recently,” she says. “I felt I was losing a lot. My children were growing up, I’d lost my sense of womanhood, femininity and sexuality. Then I thought, ‘OK stop it. You’ve got so much. You’ve got wisdom, you’ve got experience.’ I’m definitely out the other side now. I feel fit and healthy and that to me is the most important thing.”
THAT is not to say she’s particularly enthusiastic about getting older. “I wouldn’t say I’m excited about getting older. It’s not that I worry but I feel sad that I’m approaching my twilight years because life has been so fantastic.
“But now more than ever it’s taught me to appreciate every day. I’m not someone who really looks to the future and I certainly don’t dwell on the past. I’ve learnt to be really present and to live every moment of every day.”
These days Susannah lives a quiet life in the West Sussex countryside with her Danish husband Sten Bertelsen, a businessman, who she married in 1995, and their three children, Joe, 20, Esme, 17, and Cece, 15.
However, in the 1980s she was a regular fixture in newspapers and gossip columns as a result of her long-term relationship with Princess Margaret’s son, David Armstrong-Jones.
“It seemed normal at the time. The fascination with the Royal Family really took off with the Princess of Wales and it’s been the same ever since.
“I do still speak to members of the Royal Family and David is still a very good friend of mine.”
And she can’t wait to meet the family’s newest member, Meghan Markle. “She’s fabulous, she’s such a superstar in every way. They both are, they’re incredible.” Style queen Susannah says she was a big fan of Meghan’s wedding dress.
“It was amazing, elegant and timeless. Quite often you look back on your wedding day and think, ‘What the hell was I wearing?’ She will never do that because it was exquisite.”
Strictly wasn’t Susannah’s first reality TV show – she appeared on ITV’s I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! in 2015.
While describing the jungle as “boring”, she says it did give her time to think about an idea she had for a book. It became her debut novel After The Snow, which is out next week in paperback.
The novel was influenced by her own difficult childhood growing up with her mother Mary Rose, who had serious mental health problems.
“I wanted to write a love letter to my mother. She was such a kind, amazing, generous-spirited woman. But she was severely manic depressive and it was almost like I was in competition with her illness. I had to fight to get to her through this illness.”
Susannah was 15 before she accepted that something was wrong.
“It was a different generation then, things were swept under the carpet. My dad was very much in denial about my mum’s illness and didn’t want to believe it. It was too painful for him.
“And up until that point, I too was in denial. In my mind my mother was this perfect being but the reality was very different. One minute she would seem as high as a kite. She would try to talk but her mind was in overdrive and she spoke so fast that what came out was total gibberish. Next minute she would collapse on the floor.
“Once I’d grown up, I talked to my sister, who is six years older than me, about it and she told me how difficult it was. It is the most terrible illness. It ravages the people who suffer with it and their families.”
Mary Rose died 12 years ago, when Susannah was 44.
“I was relieved for her because it was like she had disappeared from the conscious world a long time ago. But it was very difficult. With hindsight I wish I knew then what I know now about mental illness. You can’t see it. You’re not wearing a cast on a broken leg so it’s hard to validate.
“And I do have regrets. I feel guilt that I didn’t do more to help her. But I never felt any shame about it at all. On a deeper level I think I really understood my mum. We were soulmates.”
After The Snow by Susannah Constantine (£7.99, HarperCollins) is out in paperback on Thursday. To order, call the Express Bookshop on 01872 562 310 or visit express bookshop. co.uk