Happy Mondays

ONCE upon a time, London’s Annabel’s nightclub was a place where reputations were built and destroyed with the click of a paparazzi’s shutter. Now it’s less about damage limitation and, on occasion, more focused on the new swing in personal development – one that doesn’t involve Krug or cavorting with Rod and Mick on the dancefloor.

So it was on a chill February Tuesday that gal-pal Valerie and I made our way to this hallowed portal and to The Jungle Bar to imbibe in a heart-warming aural toddy in the form of academic, peace activist and Buddhist, Stephen Fulder and his talk based on his book

What’s Beyond Mindfulness.

Audience members were all seeking the new mind-altering drug that is self-love, peace and personal freedom.

We need look no further than ourselves, said the author. “Stop waiting to be happy. It’s right here. Stop wanting to be fixed. Unfold like a flower. It’s our view of reality that makes difference. We experience pain but life isn’t pain.”

Stephen Fulder is a specialist in dealing with conflict and took mindfulness practices to the Middle East in a bid to raise understanding of forgiveness and peace to the Israelis and Palestinians.

“Imagine,” he suggests, “what could happen in conflict situations if we were able to clearly see how we label the other person as ‘the problem’ and then let the labelling pass by. What would happen to our anger if we saw them as someone with issues and problems, just like us? Or if we glimpsed sadness behind their eyes?

“Mindfulness can help us step into the other person’s shoes, which is the basis for dissolving all conflict. According to Buddhist teachings, our ability to do that is called ‘sacred’.”

In an age where students said they would prefer electric shocks than spend 15 minutes in quiet, technology-free reflection, the challenge is in doing the inner work; the self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and the peace that comes with love of self.

Here are a few snippets of wisdom I took away.

How do we overcome self-doubt? Love of self shuts it down.

Allow yourself to be yourself – all your thoughts, good or bad. Be OK with it all.

Look behind your own eyes and ask is it really true?

Total love exposes our inner toxic narrative.

Be the change we desire in others. Our ego stops us apologising. Challenge your ego and you get stronger.

Forgiveness is like a line drawn in water. It goes, then you can start afresh.

What wonderful messages for us all and the world. And the great news is we are all of us already in the VIP members’ lounge.

Stephen Fulder’s What’s Beyond Mindfulness (Watkins) is available on Amazon, price £8.99.