A fair slice of diplomacy

ILOVE the way judges Gregg and John are so polite during the early stages of CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF

(BBC1, 9pm). For example, Gregg’s verdict on one of the pizzas served up to them tonight is: “It’s a little bit dark around the edges…”

What he means is it looks as though it’s been salvaged from a house fire.

The nice thing about Celebrity MasterChef, though, is that even the least promising contestants can often blossom in ways they never dreamed possible, tapping into their latent culinary skills.

Indeed, after taking a few bites

of another contestant’s pizza, Gregg exclaims: “I think there might be a cook in there!”

Having said that, of course, he may mean he’s just figured out what’s in the topping.

Taking part in this second week-long heat we have former Gogglebox star Dom Parker (he of Steph and Dom fame), The Chase’s Jenny Ryan, comedian Josie Long, radio host and poet Mim Shaikh (a bit of a let-down, as nothing Mim says seems to rhyme) and A&E doctor Alex George.

The latter, I should stress, is there because he’s a former Love Island contestant.At least, that’s the reason the producers will have given him.

“Relax if you can,” Gregg urges all five contestants, “because if you’re relaxed you will cook better…” – advice upon which, of course, the great Keith Floyd built an entire career.

Elsewhere tonight, Jamie Oliver appears to have taken up mind-reading in episode two of

JAMIE’S MEAT-FREE MEALS

(C4, 8pm). “I know you love lasagne,” he announces with the utmost confidence as he prepares to demonstrate the show’s first recipe.

And it’s uncanny, because, yes, he’s right, I do. My love for lasagne is beyond measure. Clever Jamie.Ah, but then he goes on to say he’s making this one with aubergines.

And that’s when I discover the flaw in this new-found talent of his: Jamie Oliver’s mind-reading is a little selective.

“No, no! I don’t want aubergines in my lasagne, Jamie,” I telepathically reply. “Delicious!” Jamie insists, ploughing on regardless, seemingly now deaf to my thoughts. “Oh, my Lord, it’s amazing.”

Later in the programme, inspired by his visit to an enormous fruit and vegetable market in India, Jamie creates what he calls his “angry bean salad”. He serves this on toast.

It looks rather tasty, although I’m not sure I could be bothered with all the faff.

Talking of which, in FOOD UNWRAPPED (C4, 8.30pm),

Jamie’s pal Jimmy Doherty asks if it’s really worth growing our own fruit and veg or if we may as well just buy it all at the supermarket.