First Down’s pair to wed still devoted despite sad diagnosis
After 24 blissful years, Tom’s cruel disease may force them to live apart
SKIPPING hand-in-hand along the seafront, Tommy and Maryanne Pilling happily sing a verse of the Mary Poppins favourite, Let’s Go Fly A Kite. And, as they embrace and excitedly discuss which ice cream they’re going to have, they look like any other couple in love.
But Tommy and Maryanne defied the odds to become the first UK couple with Down’s Syndrome to tie the knot.
They have now been married for 24 years and everyone who knows them says their romance is like a “magical fairytale”.
Maryanne, 48, says: “I love Tommy. I loved him from the first time I met him.”
Pointing towards his wedding ring, Tommy, 61, adds: “I wear this every day. I married her, I did.”
From daily walks on the beach in their home town of Southend-on-Sea, Essex, to rustling up something special in the kitchen, they have done everything together since meeting at a life skills training centre in July 1990.
Sadly, Tommy lost both of his parents by the age of 12 and was in residential care but Maryanne’s family took him under their wing.After 18 months,Tommy went out, bought a plastic ring from a vending machine and – after asking permission from Maryanne’s mum, Linda Martin – proposed to his beloved.
Linda, 69, recalls: “When I sent out the wedding invitations, it was like opening a can of worms. People said it wouldn’t last and asked me what I’d do if it didn’t work out, but we need to treat Tommy and Maryanne like adults. Everyone should be able to marry the love of their lives.”
THE big day itself was certainly something to remember as 250 family and friends gathered to see the couple tie the knot at a local church in 1995. Maryanne says: “We got married on July 15. I had a white dress and my hair tied back – and I wore a crown like a princess. Tommy was in a suit, with a shirt and tie.
“My wedding day was the best day of my life. I love my husband very much. He is my best friend.”
After the wedding, Maryanne and Tommy moved in with Linda before getting their own flat next door in 2002.
Linda says: “They would talk all the time, from the moment they woke up to the moment they went to sleep. I used to have to bang on the wall because they’d be in hysterics laughing so much.
“They also cooked with me every night and I taught them the basics of how to make fresh dinners.These two are marvellous in the kitchen. That’s where Tommy gets into his element.”
When we visit Tommy and Maryanne in their flat, their pride for their home certainly shines through.
Maryanne says: “I keep the flat tidy. I clean it every day and do the Hoovering and the polishing.”
The couple’s love for music is also apparent, with Elvis memorabilia everywhere. Wallpaper with the singer’s face covers the walls and there’s even a cuckoo clock that plays his songs. So it comes as
no surprise when Tommy begins crooning Love Me Tender to his wife. “I sing this to her every day,” he says, proudly. “I sang it to her when we got married too.”
Maryanne nods, while cradling a heartshaped locket containing a photo of her and Tommy with their names engraved.
In 2014, to mark their 20th wedding anniversary, the couple renewed their vows in front of 150 people.
Every year, the couple are keen to celebrate their special day and show the world how much they love each other.
But devastatingly, by next year, Tommy may not be able to remember their 25th wedding anniversary – because five years ago, he was diagnosed with dementia.
He is already struggling to do day-today tasks, such as tying his own shoelaces and washing his hair and he has even started to forget who Maryanne is. If his condition continues to deteriorate, the pair may be forced to separate for the very first time.
Maryanne’s sister, Lindi Newman, 31, says: “He’s forgotten who Maryanne is a handful of times. It always happens really late at night.
“He pushes her away and says, ‘I don’t know who you are’ and ‘I don’t love you’. Maryanne takes that to heart and is absolutely crushed and hysterical.
“She calls me up and I throw on my shoes and go across the road to try and calm them down. It’s scary for Tommy too, but then he forgets that anything has happened.
“We just tell Maryanne that Tommy forgets things because his brain’s a bit poorly and he’s getting older but we take
each day as it comes. We’ve been told that if Tommy needs residential care then Maryanne wouldn’t be able to go with him.
“It would have such a horrific impact on them that we’d do whatever we could to stop it happening.”
MARYANNE is also determined to do everything she can to make Tommy’s life as easy as possible. Lindi explains: “Tommy can’t put his own shoes on any more or fasten his jewellery or watches.
“Maryanne also helps him in and out of the bath, she washes his hair, washes his back, helps get him dressed and things like that. She’s very mothering.”
Maryanne chips in: “I tell him I love him three times a day.We have kisses and cuddles. I do all I can.”
And this is clear to see when we head out to the beach – as Maryanne eagerly grabs Tommy’s hand and leads him in the right direction. “Come on, Tom,” she grins as they
point out their favourite lunch spots and pubs along the way.
“We just like spending time together,” she adds. “Sometimes we get an ice cream and a shandy.”
Even when Tommy stumbles, Maryanne is right there to support him. “Easy, tiger,” she laughs as she steadies him.
The pair are now striving to make new memories together and are even planning a trip to Disneyland with Lindi and her family.
Lindi says: “Next year will be very special. When Maryanne and Tommy reach 25 years, my husband and I will have been married for 10 years and my mother-inlaw and father-in-law 50 years – so we already have a huge celebration planned with all the family and are planning to go on a big holiday.
“Tommy is doing remarkably well, considering he was diagnosed with dementia five years ago, but we never know how many years they have left together.
“We make the most of it. I always take lots of photos and have them printed and put into an album for Tommy to look through to help his memory. “We always do loads of things together as a family too, so we’ve got something to look forward to. It really helps to keep them both going.”
Tommy and Maryanne also have a huge amount of support online – they have 53,000 Facebook followers who constantly send the couple love, support and even birthday cards.
Lindi says: “There’s just so much love that comes through there. Tommy and Maryanne have set the bar throughout their relationship.”
But despite everything, there’s one thing that never changes.
Lindi says: “Tommy is very romantic. He always opens doors for Maryanne so she can go through first and he buys her flowers. He’s very old-school.”
And, even though Tommy is tired when we leave him, we can hear him repeat: “I married Maryanne on 15th July.”
Because no matter what happens, she is always the first thing on his mind.