Dear Harry & Meghan: ‘Put a sock in it’
VANESSA FELTZ
MY ADVICE to Harry and Meghan – not that I expect them to take a blind bit of notice – is simple, forthright and about as polite as their latest missive directed at Her Majesty the Queen: “For heaven’s sake, put a sock in it.” We’ve heard just about enough from the gruesome twosome. They wanted to escape to the wilds of windblown Canada. They made a pre-emptive and explosive public hue and cry about just how fervently they ached to “step back” from royal duties. They even left Archie Canada-side with his nanny so Meghan didn’t have to defile her kitten heels with British soil for more than three seconds, before she whizzed back to give him a bottle. Behold, their wish was granted.
The rest of us don’t get beyond kindergarten without a working grasp of the phrase “Be careful what you wish for”. We know we can be our own worst enemies.
It is deeply ingrained in all of us that doing our duty may be a royal (yes, I am allowed to use the word) pain, but in general walking away from our obligations is a duff life choice. Five minutes of “Phew! What a relief” will inevitably be followed by a toxic mixture of guilt and boredom as we have time to mull over the consequences.
ONE thing is clear. The Sussexes are far from happy. How can I be certain, you ask? Well, isn’t it obvious? If you were blissfully hiking, biking, walking the dogs, sharing a celery stick with the Clooneys and popping out for a kale shot with Oprah, why would you waste precious time issuing interminably long statements like this? “While there is not any jurisdiction by the Monarchy or Cabinet Office over the use of the word ‘royal’ overseas, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex do not intend to use ‘SussexRoyal’…” blah, ad nauseam, blah.
Jolly and fulfilled folk, comfortably living life on their own terms, have better things to do than bleat that what they really fancied was to have a big slice of cake while simultaneously guzzling it, and how they’re thoroughly ticked off that such a delightful scenario has not come to pass.
There’s a perfect word, to sum up our feelings towards Harry and Meghan right now – exasperated. We’ve had it up to here.
Enough already.