Girls don’t look autistic’
the girls were finally diagnosed, Nicola and Damon struggled with the lack of support.
“When the doctor gives you a diagnosis, they hand you a bunch of leaflets and leave you to it,” says Nicola.
“There’s no aftercare.Their job is done, but as a family that’s just the beginning.”
Nicola and Damon had always known there was something different about Annelise.
“She was a very anxious child and had multiple meltdowns a day,” says Nicola.“She was sensitive to noise and didn’t really like being around people.”
But it never occurred to them that their daughter might be autistic.
“Because we hadn’t had any experience of autism it wasn’t something that came to mind.” Like Greta,Annelise hated going to
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● school. “The number of pupils made it very noisy and she didn’t always get the understanding she needed from teachers,” says Nicola.
“She’s dyslexic and was struggling in class. She felt she wasn’t good enough.”
At home, things were also tough.
Loud noises and bright lights seemed to make Annelise severely anxious.
“Several times a day she’d have a meltdown but we couldn’t understand why,” says Nicola.
“She’d get very angry and shout. She might throw things, and started self-harming.
“It was a really difficult time because we didn’t understand what was going on and she didn’t either.”
The school never suggested that Annelise’s behaviour could be
● was diagnosed. Meanwhile, she hated going to school and begged her parents to let her stay at home.
“Every day was hard. I cried myself to sleep loads of times,” says Nicola.
At times,Annelise was suicidal. “When she was nine years old she said she wanted to die,” says Nicola.
“As a parent, that’s one of the most heartbreaking things your child can say. It was devastating.”
Annelise continued at primary school, and went to an additional needs mainstream school for children with special needs. Meanwhile in 2018,Tabitha was also diagnosed with autism.
“Initially we wondered whether she was copying Annelise and the characteristics of autism – you know what younger sisters are like,” says Nicola.
“Then we realised maybe she had autism, too.”
Tabitha’s autism presents differently to Annelise’s.
“I wish people were more aware of how every person with autism is still an individual,” says Nicola.
“Although Tabitha is autistic too, she is more rigid than Annelise and is not so accepting of change.
“For example, she has to sit in the same place at the kitchen table in her chair – we’ve marked it with a ‘T’ underneath.
“She finds people she doesn’t know coming into the house extremely stressful, and gets anxious if someone asks her to do something – even simple things like brushing her teeth.
“While Annelise prefers to be alone,Tabitha is bored easily and likes after-school activities and having friends over to play.
“Sometimes the girls get on fantastically, other times Annelise wants to be left alone, whereas Tabitha wants to play with her.”
NOW,Annelise is finally getting the care she needs. “It’s taken a good year to settle into the new school, but now she has friends and is a totally different person,” says Nicola.
“She’s much happier. She looks forward to school.
“She’s flourishing and doing so well academically.”
Meanwhile, Tabitha is still at primary school, but when it’s time to move on, Nicola and Damon are thinking of enrolling her in the same school as Annelise.
They also have a dog Lottie, for emotional support for the girls.
“Lottie seems to know when people need a bit of extra support so she can give them cuddles,” says Nicola.
And although life with two autistic daughters is tough, the Zeids wouldn’t change it for the world.
“It might not be an easy life but there are sunny moments and you have to hold on to those,” says Nicola.
“I feel blessed.”