How can my pals get it so wrong?

ILOVE my friends. Obviously I do. I chose them. I admire their kindness, beauty and intellect. So how can it be that last weekend an assortment of my cherished chums declared variations of the following over the phone, Zoom and a two-metre chasm in the park? Their pleas include “I’m so over social distancing!” and “I’m absolutely certain I won’t get it. I have a positive mental attitude. I’m convinced it won’t happen to me.” Then there’s this one: “Naturally, if we invite family and friends to the garden and it starts to rain, we’re not going to tell them to get back in the car and drive all the way home.”

I’m not talking about recalcitrant youths here. I’m referring to middle-aged matrons, magnates of industry and pillars of the community, all of whom should know better.

At the same time as this was happening, two scientists who advise SAGE declared that lockdown is being relaxed prematurely. One professor wistfully wished for three more weeks of confinement to bring down the horrifying weekly infection rate. Meanwhile my pals were busily hatching get-togethers and inventing reasons to justify rule infringements they deemed essential to their fun.

ONE phrase, it seemed, has been on everybody’s lips: “We can’t stay locked up forever.” This is the thought process. That we’re going to have to get back to real life sometime. That nothing bad ever lasts this long. We’ve sacrificed. We have obeyed. Enough already!

This mantra is shorthand for: “We’re bored and frustrated. We haven’t caught it so far. We’re used to dipping into the supermarket and coming home right as rain.We’re washing our hands... so let the good times roll!”

Bits of north-west London look like Glastonbury. People queueing for takeaway beer quickly shed their inhibitions and merrily bob and weave inches from each other.

Folk are passing each other glasses of fizz, tucking into communal pizzas and welcoming their nearest and dearest for a cuppa in the front room. Every Government-endorsed relaxation feels as if someone in authority is cooing, “There, there. It’s all better now.” But it isn’t. Nothing has changed. No treatment. No cure. No vaccine.

The only difference, it seems to me, is that people who should be cautious and responsible are champing at the bit to pretend there’s nothing to worry about.