Cruises in rough waters

COUNTLESS companies have suffered desperately, thanks to this wretched Covid thing. Some may take a long time to recover. For example, what on earth will happen to the cruise business?

BILLION POUND CRUISES: ALL AT SEA looks at how this lucrative industry (we’re actually talking £120 billion, but I guess that would have made the title a bit too wordy) was brought to its knees this spring.

It also recalls the nightmare of those stuck on ships where the virus ran rampant.

Cruising’s popularity has soared in recent years, with passenger numbers apparently having doubled in a decade.

This year was apparently meant to be a bumper one, with 32 million passengers having booked themselves luxury trips.

And I get it, I really do. Even though I’ve never fancied cruising much myself, I can see why it floats so many people’s boats (pun fully intended).

These ships nowadays are like vast floating cities.A leisurely stroll along the deck will take you through at least three time zones.

A cruise ship I travelled on 20-odd years ago, for a feature I was writing (the only time I’ve ever been on one), was also described as “luxury” back then, but up against these it was about as swanky as a second-hand pedalo.

But that’s precisely why this documentary makes such grimly absorbing television.

After all, just look at these things. I mean, seriously, look at them. Or drool, if you’d rather.

There they are, floating across our telly screens in all their crazily dazzling opulence.

For many holidaymakers, they’re the ultimate dream.

Hence the starkness of the contrast when their very worst nightmare descended.

Elsewhere, this week’s edition of AMBULANCE (BBC1, 9pm) reminds us just what sort of person you have to be to work as a paramedic.

Me, I’d be useless, although I do have a clean licence so I could always do the driving.

No, these people are a different breed: strong, brave, resourceful, patient, selfless, dedicated, tireless, and, particularly significant in this episode, non-judgemental.

There’s a chap who’s fractured his ankle, you see, and it’s paramedic Kirsten’s job to treat him. Which is fine, except he’s crocked himself while burgling someone’s house.

“I know I deserve exactly what I get,” he sobs.

Kirsten’s philosophy, she tells us, as we watch this character (his face blurred out) being stretchered into the ambulance, is that “everyone deserves the best care we can give”.

Me, I guess I’d have to go along with that. But I’d make the blighter ride on the roof.