HICKEY
WHILE the fates of venues up and down the land hang in the balance, One Foot In The Grave’s RichardWilson plays down expectations regarding his own theatrical comeback.
“There’s not too many actors of 85,” theVictor Meldrew star, pictured, insists on Radio 4.
“I’d certainly need a stick to get onstage. I’m really not going to do much theatre in the future. Unless it’s a very small part in act one, and I can then go home quite early... put my pyjamas on.”
I should add that Richard is actually a mere 84...
FONDLY remembered for his boyhood role as Oliver Twist in the 1968 movie musical classic, Mark Lester refuses to give up on his youth. Following another birthday, he cheerfully remarks: “I may be 62, but I feel like 26.” Engaged to American marketing executive Brooke Hamilton – more than 20 years his junior – twice-wed Mark adds that his glamorous blonde fiancée keeps him young.
SPEAKING of birthdays, how is Have I Got News For You star Ian Hislop celebrating turning 60 today? Often teased for being the old-fashioned type, Hislop jokily announces: “I might even go for a dip in my pinstriped bathing suit.”
AMERICAN broadcasting giant CNN’s botched attempt at a tribute to late football hero Jack Charlton, following his death aged 85, meets with mockery. Critics note an accompanying screen caption bizarrely stated Big Jack had been “Footballer of the Year” in 1997 – aged 62 – and was a “British World Cup Winner” in 1996.
AFTER incurring the wrath of the Twitter mob for playfully announcing she couldn’t return to work until having her eyebrows fixed at a beauty salon, fiery presenter Kirstie Allsopp, pictured, claims to regret ever pursuing the celebrity life.
The 48-year-old, who was highlighting restrictions facing beauticians across the UK, now emotionally reflects on her decision to begin a TV career two decades ago. “Had I not done that, I’d still be a private individual,” she says. “What a lovely concept that seems.” Sceptical types suspect outspoken Kirstie would soon struggle away from the spotlight...
CELEBRITY vicar and broadcaster the Reverend Richard Coles acknowledges his ears display evidence of a rebellious youth. The 58-year-old, who enjoyed 1980s pop fame with The Communards, complains: “My earlobes are in a shocking state...punctured from my punk days with imperfectly healed piercings.”
SAUCY author and TV personality Kathy Lette, 61, reports: “Wondering why I haven’t received my new driver’s licence?” Regarding the recent form she sent back, Kathy adds: “My daughter points out that marking an ‘X’ beside each health query doesn’t signal an absence of afflictions. Apparently I’ve indicated that I’m an epileptic, blind, limbless alcoholic with narcolepsy.”
WHETHER you like it or not – whether you like them or not – you owe your existence to insects. They make the planet go. Every third mouthful you eat, you owe to the creatures that pollinate the plants, but that’s just the start. Insects make life on earth possible for humans, and for everything else.
To say, “I like life but I don’t like insects” is like saying “I like cars but I don’t like engines”. Insects, in their countless millions – belonging to at least a million species – keep life functioning, even though the mysteries of their lives are mostly hidden under the bonnet, out of sight and easy understanding.
Few people are breathlessly excited about the compression and combustion of gases, but that’s what makes a car work. In the same way, the thought of nutrient recycling and decomposition doesn’t thrill us to our souls: but they are the principles on which the earth operates and insects do the bulk of it. It makes good sense, then, to look after our insects.
So let’s try two experiments. The first is the Light Test: open your bedroom window before bedtime, leave the light on and come back an hour later. Is the room full of flying insects?
Probably not.And yet anyone older than, say, 45 can remember childhood rooms full of moths orbiting the lightshade.
Then the Car Test. Drive for 100 miles and clean the windscreen. Again, 40-odd years ago your windscreen would be covered with squashed insects.
Today no. Maybe the odd one or two. Yet I remember family journeys on which my father, driving a Heinkel bubble-car, had to stop and clean the windscreen because he couldn’t see for the dead insects.
I