HICKEY
OUTSPOKEN actor and father-of-two Laurence Fox, divorced from fellow star Billie Piper in 2016, mischievously announces: “Urgent appeal: wife needed to assist with children, who never get tired ever.”
Part of the Fox thespian dynasty, 42-year-old Laurence, pictured, adds: “Equal share of sun cream application and responding to exactly the same question over and over again included in marriage contract. One owner. Fair condition. Good sense of humour appreciated.”
Surely only a matter of time before we’re hearing wedding bells?
AFTER taking aim at “lefties” criticising meat consumption, petrol-head presenter and farmer Jeremy Clarkson, 60, surprisingly concedes: “I struggle sometimes to eat pork, because I like pigs.” He then cheekily clarifies: “But I force it down for the good of the country and the planet.” Jeremy’s sense of public duty knows no bounds...
COLOURFUL Tory MP Michael Fabricant reports he’s miffed to miss out on one local honour in his Lichfield constituency.
Following an opening of the new public loos, the 70-year-old politician jokily complains: “Damn! Councillor Joe Powell gets all the best jobs! I’ve never been asked to open the Gents’.”
RECALLING Donald Trump’s once ridiculed appearance in her largely forgotten 1989 film comedy Ghosts Can’t Do It, screen pin-up Bo Derek explains: “We had a mutual friend who said, ‘You’re making a movie and Donald Trump is looking to be a cameo in something. Do you have anything?’” She diplomatically adds: “So we wrote a scene and he was great.”
During the pair’s encounter in said film, Bo, pictured, purrs to Donald: “You’re too pretty to be bad.” He responds in cringeworthy fashion: “You noticed?”
The performance earned Trump an unwanted Golden Raspberry Award for worst supporting actor, while Derek was unkindly named winner of the worst actress gong.
HAVING filled in for combative host Piers Morgan on ITV’s Good Morning Britain, presenter Sean Fletcher points out: “My red tie is from Piers Morgan’s wardrobe, so it normally fits around a slightly larger neck – that’s why it kept loosening.”
Eager to put his younger rival back in his place, Piers fires back on Twitter: “Shame you can’t borrow my much larger ratings too.”
AMONG the cast in acclaimed director Christopher Nolan’s forthcoming thriller Tenet, Sir Michael Caine is always confident of getting a call.
While little is currently known about the 87-year-old’s latest character, reportedly called Sir Michael Crosby, Caine has appeared in every Nolan film since 2005’s Batman Begins. Sir Michael has long proudly insisted he considers himself the director’s “lucky charm”, cheerfully adding: “All the movies I’ve made with him have raked in over a billion dollars. So he has to have me in a film, even if he has no part for me.”