My husband of 50 years has dementia... I fear he will not remember me
Susan’s plea over 7- month care home ban
A WIFE who has been separated from her husband of 50 years since lockdown is pleading for the Government to let loved ones visit care homes.
Susan Ogden last saw her husband Peter, who has advanced dementia, on March 20 before his care home closed to visitors.
Now, after seven devastating months of separation she fears Peter, 72, will no longer remember her.
Heartbroken Susan, 72, said: “In dementia, you lose memories every day and you can’t make new ones. So if your loved ones don’t recognise you, you can’t claw back what you’ve lost.
“If Peter died and I didn’t get to see him I would find it difficult. He has been my husband for 50 years and I know he would expect me to be there for him.
“I want to be there for him and see him again. But the way things are going, I don’t know if I will.”
The couple should have celebrated their Golden Wedding anniversary together on August 1. Instead, Susan spent the day walking to memorable locations from the couple’s time together, helping to raise £ 4,000 for Dementia UK – the charity which has supported her since Peter’s diagnosis over three years ago.
During lockdown, the grandmother of four has covered 1,000 miles, which has helped her to manage her own wellbeing.
But she has grave fears for the mental health of people in care homes. She added: “I wonder when I go back, what will be there of Peter. I don’t know how much difference I’m going to see in him. While care home staff tell me he’s doing fine, they see him every day so won’t notice the gradual change in the same way someone who hasn’t seen him for a long time will.
“These people need contact with their loved ones.” The North Shields care home where Peter is living has worked tirelessly to provide some contact for residents and their families with phone and video calls, photos and garden visits.
But Susan feels these methods cannot benefit dementia patients.
She added: “I didn’t take up the offer of a garden visit as it wasn’t the right choice for Peter and myself because it meant wearing PPE, including a face mask and gloves, and social distancing at two metres.
“For someone with dementia, it would have been a meaningless visit as he would have been thinking ‘ Who’s that wearing a mask? I don’t know who it is’.”
It would have been “like going to see an animal in a zoo”, she added.
Health Secretary Matt Hancock last week announced he is “working on” ways to ensure safe visiting.
The Health Department said: “Through the Adult Social Care Winter Plan we are tightening infection prevention and control measures further to enable visits to continue safely where possible.”