Paul is living the steam

WHAT do you think the following television programmes have in common? (1) Paul O’Grady Goes Fishing.

(2) Paul O’Grady Pops Out To Post A Letter.

(3) Paul O’Grady Takes His Car Into Halfords Autocentre For Its MoT And Discovers It Needs A New Wiper Blade.

Yes, that’s right. None of them exist.

And yet the thing is they easily could. As we’re reminded tonight in episode two of PAUL O’GRADY’S GREAT BRITISH ESCAPE – a programme which actually does exist ( indisputable evidence can be found at 8pm on ITV) – this man’s effortless, easygoing charm is an absolute godsend to those whose job it is to make low- budget TV programmes about not very much at all.

And just so we’re perfectly clear about this, I mean that as a compliment. Paul’s “Escape”, as we’ve already established, isn’t so much Great British as Great Kentish, restricting itself for now to his adopted home county, presumably so he doesn’t get pulled over by the Covid police and asked where the heck he thinks he’s going.

But its limited geographical scope is of no great consequence, because the key to the show’s appeal is the host himself, and the prospect of spending half an hour in his company.

If you’re not a fan of Paul O’Grady I dare say that sounds about as much fun as 30 minutes of root canal surgery, but if you are – and I really do think you should be, as you’ve no doubt twigged by now – then the fact that he’s going nowhere far, and not exactly doing much when he gets there, is really neither here nor there.

In tonight’s episode he takes a leisurely steam train ride on the Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Railway – destination: Dungeness and its nature reserve. Paul reveals that he used to hate Dungeness but has grown to love it. (“Reveals”, I grant you, is probably bigging this statement up somewhat.)

There, among other things, he goes looking for leeches. Yes, quite.

Elsewhere in the show he goes shrimping for shrimps – I dare say that’s not the right verb – and enjoys a mindful yoga experience in the company of some alpacas.

Continuing elsewhere tonight is another programme that feels as though it’s balm for the soul ( sorry, I’ve no idea why I’ve started speaking like this, I’m sure it’ll pass) – namely, THE REPAIR SHOP ( BBC1, 8pm).

Items coming in to be fixed this week include a doll, a fishing tackle box, a leather grooming- kit bag and a 19th century primary school plaque.

Meanwhile, in week two of 12 PUPPIES AND US ( BBC2, 8pm), Colin keeps being bitten by his Chinese Crested Powderpuff.