The strong men trying to workout their grief

STRAGIC: Efrem’s son James died on duty in Afghanistan

But as Dan and his StrongMen co- founder Efrem Brynin, 48, understand too well, this doesn’t mean men are not suffering.

Dan and Efrem met because they both sought solace for their grief in the extreme physical challenge of taking part in Channel 4’ s reality show SAS: Who Dares Wins.

They appeared on different series but were introduced in 2018 by cast member and special forces veteran Ollie Ollerton, who was an ambassador for the charity.

They hit it off within minutes because they had both suffered sudden and brutal loss – and shared a determination to maintain a sense of humour and their sanity in the face of it.

This week marks National Grief Awareness Week and both men’s personal stories are harrowing.

Dan’s wife Nikki, 37, was murdered by a paranoid schizophrenic who broke into their home in Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, in September 2015, while the IT specialist was away working.

She died protecting their two children, Stanley and Isabella, now 11 and nine, as her helpless husband listened on the phone.

Efrem’s son James was on his second tour of Afghanistan in October 2013 when he was mistakenly shot and killed by another British soldier, aged 22.

“When he was deployed there was a natural worry of ‘ what if?’. But I was not really prepared for it,” says the self- employed consultant from West Sussex.

“James’s death was like running into a wall. The nature of it meant we had to deal with repatriation, an inquest and the media attention. Survival was my first instinct, for many weeks and months.

“Just putting one foot in front of the other. There were jobs to do, bills to pay. I went back to work quite quickly.

“This gets in the way of you sitting down and processing the loss in the manner you should. I never took time out to worry about myself. I didn’t know how to. And that delays the inevitable.”

Three years after his son’s death, Efrem was diagnosed with prostate cancer and is convinced the long- term stress of grief was to blame.

“I’d never be able to prove that medically but I was only 44 and there was no family history,” he says. “I’d been tired for such a long time but told myself: ‘ Get on with it, stop being a big girl’s blouse.’ Now I listen to myself a bit better.”

Like Efrem, Dan hadn’t experienced grief and saw seeking help as unmasculine.

“I had horrendous post- traumatic stress disorder but initially said ‘ no’ to counselling,” he says. “I thought as a man I should be able to cope.

“I looked at my grandad who is 95 and a veteran of the D- Day landings.

“He has never spoken a word about all the terrible stuff he’d seen.

“But the trauma got worse, there was no respite. Through all the madness and the chaos in my mind, there was only one line of clarity – to make sure the kids were able to grieve properly and grow into happy, confident adults.

“To do this, I needed to be alright too.

“This is one of the important elements of StrongMen. While we focus on men, their wellbeing – or lack of – has a knockon effect on their families.”

The Men’s Health Forum believes that mental health