Gregg’s silly seasoning
THE MasterChef kitchen is looking particularly festive tonight. There’s tinsel, there’s holly, there’s a tree. There’s even Christopher Biggins! And, determined to get into the spirit of the occasion, Gregg Wallace has dug out his nastiest Christmas jumper.
Yes, everything is present and correct for this year’s CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF CHRISTMAS COOK- OFF ( BBC1, 9pm). We’ve even got John Torode back.
I say “this year’s”, but I’m not sure the BBC have actually done one of these seasonal specials before, bringing back stars who’ve already competed in the regular celeb version and getting them to do much the same but with a Yuletide twist.
It’s no wonder, then, that the four contestants – Janet StreetPorter, Vicky Pattison, Dev Griffin and the aforementioned Biggins – sound so excited.
Excited and a bit nervous. “It’s Christmas. What could go wrong…?” chuckles Vicky.
“It’s Christmas. Relax,” Dev tells himself. “Welcome back to the MasterChef kitchen,” cries Gregg. “A very Christmassy MasterChef kitchen…”
So yes, by this point I think we’ve firmly established they’ve filmed this in October. But bless them all for trying, eh?
Well, nearly all. Unlike her rivals, Janet hasn’t bothered with any festive knitwear.
I don’t think she’s really the sort though, is she?
Over on BBC2, meanwhile, some mildly less showbizzy types are competing in the opening match of this year’s ( yes, they’ve definitely done one of these before) CHRISTMAS UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
( 8.30pm). By which I mean people such as BBC business editor Simon Jack, author John Lanchester and poet Helen Mort.
Alternatively, if University Challenge has simply become way too dumbed- down for your tastes ( you know, what with all those pathetically easy questions about Romanian physicist Alexandru Proca, for example, and his equations of the massive vector boson field) then might I suggest you switch to ITV at 9pm for something rather more cerebral? Yes, I might suggest that, but I’d be misleading you somewhat, because what you’d discover if you did that is THE BIG SOAP QUIZ: CORONATION STREET V EMMERDALE. With that in mind, you may prefer to stick with BBC2, for UPSTART CROW: LOCKDOWN CHRISTMAS 1603,
a new festive episode of Ben Elton’s Shakespearean sitcom.
Cast- wise, it’s a two- hander. David Mitchell’s Will and Gemma Whelan’s Kate are in confinement. And why’s that? Well, because London hast been hitteth by ye plague, and ye auth’rities has’t ord’r’d ev’ryone to stayeth indo’rse.
Bet you wish you hadn’t asked.