A lesson in love by brave teacher
BY THE time you read this, Nicholas Hewlett, 41, Head of St Dunstan’s College, a private co-educational school in south-east London, will have made history by “coming out” to his pupils in an online assembly. Perhaps the idea grates upon your sensibilities? Maybe you’d have been horrified to find out about your teachers’ sexual proclivities? Or perhaps while you admit you would have been intrigued, deep down you believe that teachers’ private lives should remain exactly that – private.
Perhaps you’d be horrified to think of the nudge-nudge wink-wink reaction whizzing through the Lower Fifth.And while you might find it delightful to think of Mr Hewlett’s happy marriage to Alberic Elsom, head of music at nearby Whitgift school, the last thing you’d want in a classroom is an easily distracted 11-year-old forgetting equations and bothering their head about the whys and wherefores of their headmaster’s sex life.
If you doubt Mr Hewlett’s wisdom in exiting the closet in front of the entire school, it is a shame you didn’t hear the response of one of my radio colleagues who attended a Catholic school. “Oh my goodness,” he said, close to tears. “If my headmaster had done that my life would have been transformed.”
HE ADDED. “Instead of believing what I felt and desired was wrong and sinful I’d have been able to relax, stop hating myself, being ravaged by guilt and feeling as if condemned to rot in hell. It would have been a life raft. I’d have blossomed instead of hiding, almost paralysed with shame.”
Jokes about being “the only gay in the village” are only funny if you are not.The teenage adjective of choice “gay” is ubiquitous. The word is used as shorthand for all things repulsive or embarrassing. Imagine the joy for any pupil questioning his or her sexuality, logging on to hear their respected headmaster chatting about his fulfilling marriage.
Mr Hewlett was inspired by his pupils’ honesty and courage: “If by coming out to my pupils it helps one young person be more comfortable in their own skin, more empowered to be themselves and further engenders respect... surely it is an act worth doing.”
As novelist Matt Cain said on my radio show: “This is not about sexuality. It’s about love, romance, meaningful relationships and courage.” Exactly so.