I was diagnosed with ADHD at 48
Exhausted and burnt out, Mel Sims thought everything from hormones to dementia could be to blame. However, she had never considered a much misunderstood condition that is often thought to only affect children
Typing “menopause symptoms” into a search engine, Mel Sims hoped she’d finally find the answer to why she was so exhausted.
The 48-year-old mum-of-one lost her business at the start of the pandemic in March last year, and the stress left her feeling burnt out.
But as time went on, Mel suspected something else was going on and, due to her age, thought it was the menopause.
“Last spring was my time of reckoning,” says Mel. “I was exhausted, drinking too much and putting on weight. I couldn’t switch off and was anxious. Feelings I’d been masking for years caught up with me.”
Suspecting she was menopausal wasn’t the biggest of leaps in self-diagnosis as, three years earlier, aged 45, Mel found out she was perimenopausal.
“The last three years had been a nightmare,” she says. “While I had always had difficulty concentrating, it was exacerbated by fluctuating hormones.
“At one point I had such bad brain fog I feared early-onset dementia.”
But when Mel, who lives in Dunmow, Essex, with her 11-year-old daughter Olivia, looked up her symptoms online, the results suggested she had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
“I burst into tears, then the sadness kicked in,” says Mel. “But then I went into hyper-focus and read everything I could get my hands on.”
Mel made a doctor’s appointment and blood tests confirmed she had low dopamine levels, which can result in poor concentration, forgetfulness, a short attention span and an inability to unwind.
These are all classic symptoms of ADHD but she was told she would need to wait for a formal diagnosis by a psychiatrist.
Signs of ADHD are often more subtle in women and girls than in men and boys, who usually display obvious symptoms such as fidgeting, mood swings and hyperactivity. This means a diagnosis is often missed.
“Women aren’t diagnosed until later in life because they work hard to conceal what’s going on,” says Dr Patricia Quinn, author of Understanding Women with ADHD. Her research shows that the changes in oestrogen levels at puberty and menopause can dramatically increase ADHD symptoms in women.
“For women in their 40s, it’s classic for symptoms to worsen during menopause,” says Dr Quinn.
“Women are able to cope until this point because they work harder and stay up late to get things done. They suffer silently and therefore stay in the closet longer.”
According to the NHS, other common ADHD symptoms in women include difficulty holding down romantic and platonic relationships, being unable to relax, impulsive behaviour, poor selfesteem and addiction.
Dr Quinn points out that these behaviours will have been present in childhood too, but are often overlooked.
She adds that such women often pick fast-paced and creative ADHD-friendly careers, such as hairdresser, fitness trainer or small business owner, which allow them to really go for it at work in order to mask their symptoms. This is exactly what happened to Mel, who had a successful career in advertising.
“I was on the go all the time. I could follow three conversations at once in the office. I thrived on juggling everything and worked long hours.
“But I also ended up burnt out four times, and this always happened when something was out of balance emotionally.”
As a teenager, Mel was bullied because her excitable attitude was out of sync with everyone else.
“I was called Mad Mel and ADHD caused me to miss out on school trips. I’d get so excited I’d throw up before the coach pulled away and would have to go home,” she says.
Mel says that her undiagnosed ADHD has had a major impact on her love life.
“My longest relationship lasted seven years and that was with my daughter’s father,” she says. “I’ve been single for the last two years because I’ve never been able to settle. I’m always wondering if there’s someone else better out there.
“ADHD has ruined dating as I’m never sure if I can trust the decisions I make because I can be so impulsive.”
Mel admits that throughout her adult years she would actively seek out dopamine thrills – everything from excessive drinking to binge eating and reckless dating.
Yet it’s in Mel’s daily life that she has suffered the greatest. Her impulsive ADHD tendencies means that she has done things others wouldn’t ever dream of doing.
“One morning I suddenly decided we should take a train to France for a picnic. On another occasion I started to paint an entire room 50 minutes before my friend was due to arrive for lunch. When it gets hold of me, I lose all concept of time.
“If friends repeat things I’ll get bored and change the conversation, which hurts their feelings. I tend to make intense friendships, then go off the radar when I need peace and quiet.
“I forget birthdays or am late for meet-ups, making others feel unimportant. But it isn’t me, it’s the ADHD.”
Mel finally got a NHS Zoom consultation in March with Psychiatry UK. She was formally diagnosed with ADHD and is now trialling medication.
The disorder presents in three ways: inattentive, hyperactive/ impulsive, and a combination of the two. Mel falls under the inattentive category.
Currently, behavioural therapy or medication are on offer to treat the disorder, both of which can help to curb impulsiveness tendencies, while aiding concentration.
Since her diagnosis, Mel has grieved for the life she could have had if she had realised her behaviour was the result of ADHD.
“I can’t believe I’ve gone through life undiagnosed and I suspect I’m not the only one.”
■Mel has launched a low-alcohol alternative to gin, called Mooze (moozebooze.com)
‘‘ I’d do things like decide to paint a room 50 minutes before a pal was due over