Dad being sick taught me the power of vulnerability
Paralympian Amy Conroy tells Lizzie Catt how her father’s illness gave her the strength to open up about her struggles with anxiety
Boarding a plane bound for the Tokyo Paralympics in 2021 should have been another exciting highlight in Amy Conroy’s impressive wheelchair basketball career. Instead, the Team GB co-captain reveals how she was struggling with anxiety as her dad lay in hospital fighting for his life.
During lockdown, Chris, who had been feeling unwell for some time, became seriously ill.
“He was deteriorating and we didn’t know what was wrong,” says Amy.
“He was not in a good way – he couldn’t really breathe or talk.
“One night he collapsed and everything spiralled.”
The situation would be stressful enough for any family, but Amy, 29, and Chris, 66, have a very special bond.
Amy’s mum Ann died of breast cancer when Amy was seven and her sister Alice was just four. Then, when she was 12, Amy was diagnosed with the bone cancer osteosarcoma. She underwent chemotherapy and the amputation of her leg above the knee.
“Dad was by my side every night,” says Amy. “It was tough; there were some touch-and-go times. I lost friends on the ward and I was so grateful afterwards to have made it out. I was just thankful to be alive.”
Although she’d been a sporty kid, a year in hospital had left her feeling shy, self-conscious and weak.
Getting back into sport was the last thing on her mind.
“It was my dad who encouraged me,” she says. “When you’re a little, sick, bald kid, people are very protective of you. Once I saw the aggressiveness of wheelchair basketball, how dynamic and fast it is, everyone is equal in the chairs… I saw my now teammates on TV and I wanted to be there with these competent, talented, powerful women who were the opposite of me at the time.
“He was a single dad working full time, but every evening he’d be there with me on the outdoor court.”
Two years after making her international debut in 2010, Amy was picked to represent Team GB at the 2012 Paralympic Games. Her career went from strength to strength.
“Dad had my back the whole way,” she says.
“He’s my absolute world.”
But after his illness worsened last year, Chris was finally diagnosed with chronic thromboembolic pulmonary hypertension (CTEPH), a condition caused by blood clots that block the arteries of the lungs.
In order to remove the clots, Chris was put in an induced coma before undergoing a pioneering 11-hour operation.
Usually resilient and positive in the toughest situations, Amy was at a loss. She began suffering from anxiety.
“For the first time ever, I thought, ‘I’m so out of my depth here. All my usual coping mechanisms aren’t working, I don’t know what to do’,” she says. “But I was worried that if I opened up to my teammates, they’d see me differently – that I’d be viewed as weak.”
As they travelled to Tokyo, however, Amy found the courage to admit to her team that she wasn’t coping. “I learned the power of vulnerability,” she says. “Opening up to other people actually created deeper connections with my teammates. It made me more authentic as a leader because everyone struggles – it’s just whether or not people choose to talk about it.”
Following her experience of anxiety, Amy became a Mind Health Ambassador for the AXA Mind Health Study, focusing on the importance of kindness. The study found that the UK has the highest level of mental health issues in Europe. Two in five people said they’d experienced at least one mental health condition and a quarter were “struggling”. But encouragingly, it also revealed over half (57 per cent) of people believe the stigma around mental health is declining as a result of the pandemic, with almost half saying they’re better able to acknowledge when they need support. And 53 per cent feel that caring for others is more of a priority than two years ago, with 42 per cent reporting their local communities have become friendlier since the pandemic.
Amy feels kindness is hugely important in tackling the UK’s mental health crisis.
“Just smiling at someone can make such a difference,” she says. “Receiving a compliment can have a lasting effect. When I was sick, Dad had to rush me to hospital. I had my little bald head out of the car window, and a group of women drove past shouting that I was beautiful. It was 2am, they were probably drunk! But it made me feel beautiful.”
In the spirit of mental wellbeing, Amy took a few months off from the pressures of international wheelchair basketball after Tokyo, to focus on other things in her life. She moved to London, and six months ago started the process of being fitted with a blade prosthetic leg, so she can learn to run again.
Most importantly, says Amy, Chris has made a remarkable recovery.
“He’s back to his old self, which I didn’t think we could ever see happening. We are still insufferably close, I ring him multiple times a day and every time I’m like, ‘It’s super to hear your voice’. I’m so grateful. He’s got his light back on, he’s got his spark back. I couldn’t be happier.”
Kindness is so important ...just smiling at someone makes a huge difference