All-star fun and Games

ARE you in the mood for a week of nail-biting competition, unfolding night-by-night on your TV? If so, then boy oh boy, do I have some unbelievably exciting news for you?

Not really, no.

But I do have some reasonably interesting information about a new contest going out live each night on ITV.That, and about another going out each night on BBC2, admittedly not so live but no less gripping. Or only a bit less. I hope that’ll do.

ITV’s is hosted by Holly Willoughby and Freddie Flintoff (how nice to see those two getting some work at last) and is called THE GAMES (9pm). The idea is that 12 apparently well known people – including soap types, pop types, a Spice Girl’s daughter, a bloke who used to be on Strictly, and someone they’ve labelled “Harry Potter actor” who isn’t Harry Potter – will compete in various sporting challenges. These will include running, cycling, swimming, diving, canoeing and gymnasticking.

Why in the name of heaven are they doing this? Good question. According to the publicity, it’s “in the hope of coming top of the medals table and being crowned the winner of the competition”.

This sounds suspiciously to me like ITV-speak for “we’re not really sure either”. It also sounds like the budget hasn’t stretched to an actual prize, but who knows, maybe they’ll have rustled something up by Friday, such as a tin of Quality Street or a nice toaster.

Also involved – again, enjoying some long overdue TV exposure – are Alex Scott, as trackside reporter, and Chris Kamara, as commentator. First up: the women’s hurdles, men’s hammer and mixed synchronised diving.

Earlier on this evening, the other new nightly contest is the somewhat less energetic BRITAIN’S TOP TAKEAWAYS (BBC2, 8pm), with Sara Cox and Darren Harriott.

Each night on this one, five specialist outlets will compete to impress a select bunch of takeaway connoisseurs scattered around Manchester. Those connoisseurs will have the food delivered to their homes, eat it, then give it points. Looking to impress them in tonight’s episode are fish and chip shops from Yorkshire, Gloucestershire, Leicestershire, Lanarkshire and Cardiff.

And, to anticipate your next question – namely, isn’t food dispatched from any of these places going to be stone cold and quite revolting by the time it arrives? – what the producers have done is brought all the competitors to Manchester, to work from a “truly epic” kitchen set-up in a disused factory.

These TV people think of everything, don’t they?

Tomorrow night it’s Indian and the men’s canoe slalom.