SON’S DEATH INSPIRED US TO OPEN OUR HOME
Karen Bonsall, 60, retired, and Ken, 53, who plays in a band, live in Nottinghamshire. Karen has two birth children, Daniel, 42, and Trudi, 39. They have four granddaughters
In 1999, our son Lee brought a leaflet about fostering home from school. At the time foster children were allowed to share bedrooms with birth kids, so Lee said: “I’ve got a bunk bed – there’s room for another.”
And that was that. We decided to do “bridging”, which is where you foster a child while their forever home is found. Soon, a 10-year-old boy came to live with us for about a year. He arrived late at night, clutching a bag of sweets.
At first he was quite aggressive. But by the time he left us he had calmed down a lot. At this time, Ken’s shifts as a coal miner changed, putting fostering on the back burner.
Fast forward to 2006 and Lee joined the Army. Soon after, he was posted to Afghanistan, where, while in a convoy, his good friend was shot and killed.
Lee developed PTSD, and never got over what he went through. In 2012, aged 24, he took his own life. We were devastated.
However his loss spurred us on to foster again in 2014 – after all, it was Lee’s idea in the first place. By this point our kids had all left home, the house was quiet, and I’d retired.
We started with a 16-year-old girl, who was particularly troubled and only with us for a few months.
Then there’s our boy, who has been with us for eight years, from seven to 15. We also have a 15-year-old girl too, who has been with us for five years.
Fostering comes down to love. By giving the children proper boundaries, and ensuring they know they’re cared about, the issues they came to us with have been ironed out.
Our boy calls us mum and mad, and our girl calls us by our names. It’s entirely up to them. They see their birth parents around six times a year.
We do all sorts as a family. We have a motorhome and love going to festivals in the summer.
To foster, you do need the patience of a saint. You need to be accepting and able to cope with a lot of stuff. You have to care about the kids and what happens to them.
Fostering is about more than just looking after the children, it’s about making them part of the family.
And that is exactly what we are
– a family.
■■Fusion Fostering is an independent foster-care agency (weneedyou. fusionfostering.com)