Simba’s gone to the dogs
TELL me, do you feel at least a wee bit sorry for Simba Rwambiwa? I suppose that would partly depend on whether or not you’ve been watching the latest series of THE APPRENTICE (BBC1, 9pm). If you haven’t, I guess you’re more likely to be thinking: “Who the heck is Simba Rwambiwa?”
If you have, then you’ll know he was the candidate sent packing at the end of last week’s show, in which the teams had been asked to create a new dog food and pitch it to major retailers.
If that’s the case, you’ll either think he got a rough deal (my own view, for what it’s worth) or that Lord Sugarplum was right to send him packing.
Pro-Paw was the name of the dog food product that Simba and his colleagues, Megan and Dani, had come up with.
Its major selling point was that its recipe was insect-based – as, to be fair to them, several brands of dog food are nowadays. But ProPaw was so poor that it looked like sludge.And I’m only saying “sludge” because it would be wholly inappropriate, dear reader, for me to tell you what I really think it looked like, which was poo.
So, yes, Pro-Paw’s creators won no orders at all. Not a sausage.
Which left the three of them in a brutal battle for survival in the boardroom – and, as I say, poor Simba ultimately being fired.
Referring back to my original question, do I feel sorry for him?
And my answer to that is: no, I do not.
Quite the opposite, in fact. Lucky old Simba, that’s what I say. I say that because, by getting himself fired at the end of week 10, he’s avoided what’s about to happen to the five surviving candidates in week 11 – namely, the interviews round, by far the most hideous experience any Apprentice candidate ever has to go through.
This is the one where, rather than tackling yet another of Lord Sugarplum’s silly tasks – those still in contention must subject themselves to a grilling from five of his most trusted aides.
And each of one of those aides will wear a face that suggests the last time they laughed was the same year Del Boy fell through the bar in Only Fools And Horses.
For the second year in a row, all five of these remaining candidates are women.
That means there hasn’t been a male finalist on The Apprentice since 2019.
Blokes on the Apprentice need to up their game, it seems.
Other than Simba, of course. Simba was robbed.
Those final five contenders, three of whom will be shown the door tonight, leaving just two to contest next week’s final, are Dani and Megan – who were Simba’s colleagues from Team Apex – plus Marnie, Rochelle and Victoria from their rivals, Team Whatever The Other Lot Are Called.