Daily Express

Less bang for your buck

- Mike Ward previews tonight’s TV

WOULD you mind if we talked for a moment about Eurovision song lyrics? You see, I’ve been taking a closer look at the words to some of this year’s entries – in particular, the ones being performed tonight in the second EUROVISION SONG CONTEST SEMI-FINAL (BBC1, 8pm) – and I think I can detect some sort of pattern.

And maybe, within that sort of pattern, some sort of reflection of our modern world. Sort of.

There used to be a time when the words to Eurovision songs were unashamed gibberish. I’m thinking not just of Lulu’s famously daft Boom Bang-a-Bang but songs such as (these titles are all genuine) Ding-a-Dong, Pump-Pump, Boom Boom Boomerang,A-Ba-Ni-Bi, Da Li Dou, Diggi Loo Diggi Ley, Didai Didai Dai,YammaYamma and Wadde Hadde Dudde Da.

These days, on the other hand, Eurovision lyrics tend to be desperatel­y earnest.Armenia’s contributi­on tonight, entitled Future Lover, goes: “Oh my Lord, my Lord, my pain, my panic attacks, oh.” (It’s that final “oh” that threatens to push me over the edge.)

In Cyprus’s song, Break A Broken Heart, a sad man called Andrew shrieks: “You lift me up – and leave me in the gutter.”

Icelandic singer Dilja, meanwhile, according to her song Power, is “tired of finding meaning in the dark”.

And Lithuania’s Monika Linkyte, singing Stay, cries: “My heart is bleeding, I need your healing.”

See what I mean? These poor, poor people.What a wretched time they all seem to be having.

Honestly, isn’t there anyone these days whose heart, even occasional­ly, just goes boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang, when you are near? Is there no one who, to quote the Netherland­s’ chirpy winner of 1975, is of the opinion that: “There will be no sorrow /When you sing tomorrow / And you walk along with your ding-dang-dong”?

Doesn’t sound like it, does it? Deary me, what a sorry state of affairs. Summed up best, perhaps, by a young lad calledVict­or Vernicos, performing Greece’s entry tonight, called What They Say. “Insane!” he wails. “And I can’t tell who’s winning.

“Wish this was something I could just ignore.” Well... exactly.


(BBC2, 7pm), Piers insists he’s far nicer than people expect him to be – while the opposite applies to many high-profile figures. “I see so many people in the public eye,” he says, “whose image, which they painstakin­gly prop up, is completely at odds with the reality of the person they are.

“I’d rather be a pleasant surprise to people than what I see in a lot of those fakes – which is a bitter disappoint­ment.”

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