A night to sell your sole
SHOULD you fancy a pair of trainers, they’ve been selling some at Lidl for £14.99. Alternatively, you could push the boat out and get a pair from Aldi, costing half as much again (features include a mesh textile upper, a premoulded EVA insock and a rubber outsole “with gel inserts for excellent cushioning”, just so you know).
But whichever pair you chose, what would you do with them next?Would you wear them on those feet of yours (sorry, that sounded ruder than I meant it to) or keep them in a box in the attic?
The reason I ask is that a pristine pair of trainers could be a canny investment, judging by what we witness tonight on THE GREATEST AUCTION (8pm, Channel 4). A young chap has come along with a pair he reckons could fetch £4,000, and not a single person has asked: “Are you having a laugh, son?”
Admittedly, these trainers of his aren’t from Lidl or Aldi – they’re limited edition Nike somenonsense-or-other specials, which apparently makes them a big deal to people who get excited about that sort of thing – but that would still be £3,840 more than he paid for them.
Not bad, eh? Assuming anyone’s willing to bid that much, this would mean a mark-up, if I’m not mistaken – which admittedly I might be – of 2,500 per cent. That’s roughly on a par with the profit made by cafes when they tip boiling water on a tea bag and sting you for a couple of quid.
Also being auctioned on the show is a sheet of paper on which Noel Gallagher once scribbled some heartfelt words for his younger sibling Liam, back in their Oasis days.
“Dear Our Kid, you are an utter twonk, lots of love, your big bro,” one might expect these words to say, given the nature of their relationship. But actually they’re a bit more poetic than that.
That’s because they’re song lyrics, written by Noel for Liam to sing in the studio.They’re for a song called Slide Away, which appeared on the band’s debut album Definitely Maybe in 1994.
Noel apparently wrote the track after he’d split up with Louise, his girlfriend at the time, so I guess these lyrics (with a reserve price of £1,300) provide an early illustration of his eloquence.
Penned by someone less articulate, they could have turned out as: “Louise, you smell of cheese, I hope you choke on your peas.”
Mind you, I wouldn’t have minded hearing that as the B-side.
Elsewhere tonight, from Salford we haveTHE BRITISH SOAP AWARDS 2023 (8pm, ITV1). Battling it out for the biggest honour, the title of Best British Soap, will of course be Coronation Street, Doctors, EastEnders, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks and This Morning.