I’m sick of the smell of eating on public transport

EATING on public transport is gross and must be banned, for the safety and comfort of all. The stench of burgers and cardboard curries in carriages makes me heave and I’m not the only one.

A tipsy woman on the train last Friday projectile-vomited all over me. She blamed the food being consumed everywhere.

“That’s disgusting!” cried a passenger as he stuffed his face with fries. I looked at him and his dinner and retorted: “So is that.”

■ SIR PAUL McCartney ruffles feathers with his announcement that the Beatles will be releasing their “last ever single” Now and Then this autumn, and that it is AI-assisted.

He has since been forced to backtrack, explaining in his latest statement that “nothing has been artificially or synthetically created. It’s all real and we all (Ringo, George, John and Paul) play on it.”

I’ve heard the demo, recorded on a cassette by Lennon plonking a piano at home in New York in 1979. It’s not bad. Nothing special.

Either way, I’m not that interested in remastered, digitised, expanded, AI-enhanced Beatles music. What it sounded like in the first place is fine by me.

■ I HAVE never watched Love Island, nor would I. But it amuses me to be walking around in a pair of host Maya Jama’s trainers. My daughter once worked for her and was gifted her hand-me-downs. I also own a Lurex jacket that was Madonna’s, and my “writing jumper” was my dad’s.

What does it all say about my psychological make-up? That I am possessed of a deep and complex, multi-faceted personality – or that I need a major declutter and should get out more?