TV goes down the Tube

NOT wishing to be picky, but there are two rather obvious flaws with THE UNDERGROUND MAP OF BRITAIN (C5, 8pm).The first is that it’s not about Britain. Or, rather, it’s only about a relatively small part of it, which the majority of the population avoids. Namely, a place called London.

Specifically, it’s about London’s Underground railway system.The second is it’s only an hour long.

Probably nearer 50 minutes, once you factor in the ad breaks. Which means it’s only able to (ironically) skim the surface.

Compare this to Yesterday channel’s SECRETS OFTHE

LONDON UNDERGROUND, yet another episode of which goes out tonight, also at 8pm.

By “yet another”, I actually mean episode nine of series three.

That’s an awful lot of Underground-themed telly, isn’t it? It might even be more than we strictly need, it’s not my place to say. My point is that Yesterday’s series, with its wonderfully passionate presenters,Tim Dunn and Siddy Holloway (the lady who genuinely named herself after a Tube station), has been covering this subject in so much detail (tonight’s the one where Tim and Siddy excitedly explore the Acton Works engineering facility), that any programme which strays into its territory is bound to look fairly lightweight in comparison.

Having said all that, Channel 5’s will be plenty for the non-fanatic.

Telling the story of London’s Underground from its earliest days, it also looks at some of the alternatives that were given serious consideration, most notably an overground “girdle” system.

(“Underground? Overground?” I’d imagine this debate would have gone.To which, of course, I’d have felt compelled to add: “Wombling free..?” as my own very helpful contribution.)

It also points out how grim the earliest experience of underground travel must have been.

When the first line, the Metropolitan, opened in 1863, the trains were still powered by steam.

Many people sat in open carriages, not unlike cattle.

An awful lot of coughing and choking ensued.

Fast-forward to now and we hear about the latest challenges the Underground faces.

The Elizabeth line is all shiny and lovely and new and what-have-you, but the programme reminds us: “London has a growing problem.”

Sadiq Khan? Well, yes, obviously there’s him, but what it’s actually referring to here is the growing number of people.

The Tube already carries 1.35 billion passengers a year.

Not being a lover of crowds, the very thought of squashing myself into one of those carriages is enough to bring me out in hives.

On the plus side, I guess that would clear me some space.