Ruled out of the running
SOWHO would I say were my favourites so far on this latest series of RACE ACROSS THE WORLD (BBC1, 9pm); the show in which five pairs of Brits are going head to head, dashing from northern Japan to a finishing line 15,000km away in Indonesia?
Well, for the first 15 minutes or so of episode one, I was very much Team Stephen and Viv.
They seemed like my kind of people in every respect: a married couple in their 60s, taking on a bunch of significantly younger rivals (of the other eight competitors, six are in their 20s) and doing so with tremendous confidence and determination. Yes, these plucky, Rutland-based retirees were the ones I’d be roaring for, no doubt about it, as they set out to demonstrate that, in a high-stakes, competitive situation, there’s nothing more powerful than wisdom, maturity and perspective, although you wouldn’t say no to a pair of bionic knees if they were also on offer. But then Stephen, I’m afraid, went and blotted his copybook.
It happened when he and Viv were standing at a pedestrian crossing in Sapporo, early on in the trip.Though the road was clear and it was perfectly safe to cross, the light was still red and so nobody was stepping off the pavement.
“They all obey the rules,” Stephen observed to Viv. “It’s brilliant! I love it! I think I could live in a place where everyone obeys the rules.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating jaywalking. Goodness me, no, I’m not some kind of maniac. Nor am I suggesting that, when visiting another country, you should openly disrespect its everyday habits and customs.
You certainly should NOT shout: “Weirdos!” That would be disgraceful. Never, ever do that.
No, it’s simply that when a person uses the words “love” and “rules” in pretty much the same sentence, it sets off a number of alarm bells in my head.
No longer do I think: “This person is on my wavelength” or “This person and I could go for a pint together.”
Instead, I think: “I bet this is one of those people who would rather die than do 21mph in a 20 zone. I bet they loved lockdown and still wear a mask on a shopping trip to Sainsbury’s.
I bet they even think that football is so much better now that we’ve got VAR.
I realise this is grossly unfair of me. I’m sure none of those examples actually apply to this Stephen fellow.
We probably COULD go for that pint, although I might start out with just a half, so as to keep my options open.
It’s just that once I’ve heard someone say: “I could live in a place where everyone obeys the rules”, the chilling truth is that I’ll never be able to unhear it.