We must take a gran stand against ageism
THE only “ism” that still seems to be flourishing is “grannyism” – and I’m sick of it. The very word “granny” seems to be acceptable shorthand for moribund, reeking of mothballs, irrelevant, easy to mug, vulnerable to scammers, bed-blocker, sexually inactive – and a battery of adjectives meaning “past it”.
Yes, we have trends like “grandmacore”, a decorative and fashion style featuring floral prints, flouncy frills and doilies. And yes, apart from David Walliams’ creation Gangsta Granny, most are depicted as gentle and benign.
Yet, though it is legal to become a granny at the age of 32, it is still obligatory to bundle all grandmothers together, wrap them in a collective shawl and consign them to a cosy netherworld where they knit while the world about them burns. I say “they” but, of course, mean “we”. I’ve been a granny for 10 glorious years. I was 51 when Ezekiel was born, and my grand-maternal love overflowed when my daughters (and sons-in-law) added Neroli, Amiel and Cecily to my beautiful brood. My grandchildren call me “Grandma Vanessa”. It’s the best title I’ve ever had.
Since entering grandma-hood, I have interviewed the Prime Minister, whizzed daily from job to job on the back of a motorbike, zip-lined, survived a brutally public romantic split and climbed back on the dating saddle, worn headto-toe PVC, presented a daily political TV show, bought a house in East Cork, spun around on Michael McIntyre’s The Wheel, launched a fashion collection and made plenty of mistakes.
LIKE all grannies, I have remained myself, triumphs, disasters et al, but have not subsided into a generic category which permits me to be patronised, written-off and marginalised.
Wouldn’t 2024 be the perfect time to stop such careless and casual ageism? Are we not sophisticated enough to acknowledge that grannies won’t be passively pigeon-holed any longer? Good Lord, Angela Rayner has been a grandma since she was 37, Jade Jagger since she was 42, Tamara Beckwith at 48. Grandparents Donald Trump, 77, and Vladimir Putin, 71, are poised to fight for primacy on the world stage. No one thinks they should be cultivating marrows and watching Countdown.
Grow up. Give grannies a break. Don’t dismiss us. Beware the “grandma revolution” and never – repeat, never – teach your granny to suck eggs.
■ WHAT do I remember about Gina Ford babies? Nothing! But I do remember Gina Ford parents. They were the ones dragging themselves away from days at the beach to make sure their baby didn’t breach its routine. They had zero room for spontaneity and lived in fear of anything that might derail the precise framework Ford imposed on their lives.
Baby guru Dr Penelope Leach wrote: “If your baby cries and you don’t come with cuddles what does your baby learn? I cry and no one comes.” That struck me as kinder than Ford’s “teach a baby to self-soothe” mantra.