HERE RUNS THE BRIDE?

I’m rather worried about Jay – and I have no idea whether it’s just make-up that is turning the lad into a very haunted-looking young man. I hope that in real life, Jamie Borthwick, who plays him, is looking after himself. Soaps have gruelling schedules and you need your sleep and energy. anyway, back to fiction, and on Tuesday an excitable Jay announces his wedding plans. He also persuades Abi to put her engagement ring on her finger where, lo and behold, it becomes stuck (no surprises there). When her parents gather to celebrate her forthcoming trip to Costa Rica, they are none too pleased to see it. Let me hazard a guess that Beyoncé’s Single Ladies – ‘If You Like It Then You Should’ve Put a Ring On It’ – won’t be playing at the party. On Wednesday, the not- so- proud parents pull out all the stops to try to persuade Abi that her life will be ruined by an early marriage. Judging by her parents’ example, her life will be ruined by marriage full stop. In fact, I’m not sure Costa Rica is far away enough. A one-way ticket to Planet Zog might do the trick. Talking about difficult parent/ child relationships, how boring is the Alice/ Derek storyline? On Wednesday, Alice is left humiliated when... No, I just don’t care.

Janine and Michael’s big day is on Thursday (below), when Jean adds a bit of pomp by placing her hands on Janine’s belly, assuring her that her baby will be unloved. Well, that’s a cheery start. So, will the wedding go ahead? Will Janine discover Michael’s true colours before it’s too late? It’s encouragement enough for Max, who goes down on one knee to propose to Tanya (have you ever seen so much knee exercise in a couple of weeks? Who needs the gym?). But what will her answer be? ‘Another one-way ticket to Zog’, if she has any sense.